The Pizza Guy walks up to the door and knocks.
Guy 2: OK now don’t stuff this up. After all he is psychic and can read your mind.
Guy 1: He’s a wizard!? Why didn’t you say so?
Guy 2: Because… oh never mind…
Guy 2 turns around and opens the door. Pizza Guy smiles.
Guy 2: Now!
Guy 1 raises his board and is about to hit Pizza Guy but Pizza Guy whips out a gun from an empty pizza box and shoots Guy 1.
Pizza Guy: Psychic pizza guy strikes again (BEEP)es!
Pizza Guy runs away and Guy 2 looks out the door.
Guy 2: I can’t believe he out smarted me… again!
Guy 1: Ahem. I’ve just been shot and you’re ignoring me.
Guy 2: Oh… hmm… so… are you… OK?
Guy 1 gets up.
Guy 1: That is the dumbest question I have ever heard! Of course I’m OK! My floppy disk protected me.
Guy 2 chortles.
Guy 2: Ha! You said floppy disk.
Guy 1 takes out a floppy disk from his shirt.
Guy 2: Oh… that kinda floppy…
Guy 1: Yeah so shut up will you?
Guy 2: Make me.
Meanwhile, Worker 1 walks up to the door of Worker 2’s house. Worker 2 lets Worker 1 in.
Worker 1: Wow this looks a lot like my house…
Worker 2: Yeah… about that… have you noticed anything else that looks alike?
Worker 1: Uh… no…?
Worker 2: Never mind then.
Worker 2 shows Worker 1 to the living room. They walk in and see Worker 3 and Worker 4. Worker 3 and Worker 4 greet them.
Worker 1: Hey where’s… you know? The other one?
Worker 2: Name?
Worker 1: I don’t know its name. You know… the one that’s mainly quiet and only ever talks a few times?
Worker 2: Meh who cares?
Worker 3: I think that we should all sit down and have cups of tea.
Worker 2: Shut up.
Worker 3: Make me!
Worker 2 moves and Worker 3 flinches.
Worker 2: Ha! You flinched! You thought I was going to hit you!
Worker 3: No I didn’t! I have epilepsy!
Worker 3 holds out their arm and waggles it slightly.
Worker 3: woooooo! Uhh… wooo!
Worker 4: That’s a ghost. Are you like, mentally retarded or something?
Worker 3: Shut up. At least I’m not gay.
Worker 4 looks sad.
Worker 4: I am who I am!
Worker 4 turns away and cries.
Worker 1: Oh good going. Now look what you did!
Worker 3: Make me!
Worker 1: Why I ortta-
Worker 1 shakes their fist. Suddenly there’s a knock at the door.
Worker 2: Now who could that be?
Worker 3: Seeing how you only have one friend besides us I’m guessing its-
Girl 2 comes through the door and the sound of clapping starts.
Girl 2: Hey!
Worker 1: Hey.
Worker 2: Hey.
Worker 3: Hey.
Worker 4: Why did he leave me!? Was it my bad breath? Oh… hey…
Worker 4 goes back to crying.
Girl 2: What’s up with…?
Girl 2 points.
Worker 1: Oh that moron over there couldn’t keep their mouth shut.
Worker 3: Hey! I can keep it shut! I just don’t want to.
Worker 2: Shut up you enormous moron!
Worker 3: (Gasps) I can’t believe you just called me fat!
Worker 2: That’s not what I meant!
Girl 2: Hey wait a second… are you two brother and sister because you look alike.
Worker 1 and 2 looks at each other up and down then turn back to Girl 2 and say “No we don’t” at the same time.
Girl 2: Ok whatever. Do you have any cheese?
Worker 1: (confused) Yes… why do you ask?
Girl 2: Because your face asked.
Worker 1: That makes no sense.
Girl 2: Your face makes no sense. Oh burn!
Cameraman: Oh burn!
Worker 1: Quiet you.
Cameraman: You want to make me?
Worker 1: No… not really.
Cameraman: Thought so…
Girl 2: So why did you invite me here again?
Worker 1: I’m glad you asked. For you see… I have a plan…
Worker 1 puts their pinky finger in the corner of their mouth.
(Pause)
Girl 2: Go on…
Worker 1: Just a second I’m pretending I’m doctor evil.
(Pause)
Girl 2: Have you had enough time pretending to be a fictional character from a comedy movie?
Worker 1: I have… nnnnnnnnnnnnow.
Worker 1 puts their pinky down.
Worker 1: OK. I have a plan most evil!
Worker 1 puts their pinky finger back to their mouth.
Girl 2: OK I get it! It’s evil! You can stop with the fingers!
Worker 1: No I can’t! I love my finger!
Girl 2: Your face loves your finger! Now tell me the plan already!
Worker 1: Did I mention that it was… evil?
Girl 2: Yes!
Worker 2 and 3: Yes!
Worker 1: OK then… you see there’s this one annoying person who keeps scaring away our customers and I was thinking that you could…
Worker 1 whispers in Girl 2’s ear the rest.
Worker 1: So how about it?
Girl 2: I don’t know… do I get paid?
Worker 1: All the pictures of llamas you can fit on your bedroom wall.
Girl 2: All of the wall?
Worker 1: Yes… all of it.
Girl 2: Are you sure? It is a pretty big wall.
Worker 1: Yes! It will cover your entire wall or I make your wall smaller.
Girl 2: You’d destroy part of my house and cause it to become potentially structurally unstable just for me?
Worker 1: If it makes you happy then yes… yes I will…
Girl 2: Yes! Score!
Girl 2 hi-fives Worker 1.
Girl 2: You’ve got yourself a deal.
Worker 3: Ooooooh! I see what’s going on here!
Worker 1: Why don’t you ever shut up?
Worker 3: Because I don’t feel like it.
Worker 1: This is why we never value your ideas… because you’re annoying.
Worker 3: So if I just stop being so annoying we could have tea parties and eat lots of scones?
Worker 1: Fine… we’ll all have tea and scones if you stop being annoying…
(Pause)
Worker 3: Meh too much work… you two in a tree doing things that end with “G”.
Worker 1: Wait… how many bad things end in G… (gasps) That’s naughty!
Worker 3: Yeah I know.
Worker 1: I’m telling mother on you…
To be continued...
Showing posts with label pizza guy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pizza guy. Show all posts
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
CBM 8: Light Switch... Light... Switch
Guy 1: So how long until that annoying pizza guy comes?
Guy 2: In a while.
Guy 2 looks at his watch.
Guy 2: Oh and I forgot. The leader of the SAC is coming over to my house soon.
Guy 1: Gasp! The leader? Here? Oh I wonder what he looks like…
Guy 2: You met him yesterday… don’t you remember?
Guy 1: No… because you know… remember that time I was thrown out of a moving car?
Guy 2: Oh yeah… that was fun.
Guy 1: No… the other time I was thrown from a moving car?
Guy 2: Uh… oh yeah! That was also fun.
Guy 1: No! The other, other time I was thrown from a moving car.
Cameraman: Oh yeah… that was fun!
Guy 2: Yeah and then we drove around and ran him over?
Cameraman: Yeah! Then he bled from his head! That was a great day!
Guy 1: OK fine yeah I don’t remember things so well because I’ve been thrown out of moving cars a lot.
Guy 2: OK… hey cameraman, want to do that again?
Cameraman: OK!
Guy 2: Come on… we’re going for a ride.
Guy 1: Oh can I get ice-cream?
Guy 2: Sure why not?
The Guys get up to go to the door when there’s a knock.
Guy 2 opens it and looks side to side and sees nothing.
Guy 4: Ahem… down here.
Guy 2 looks down and sees Guy 4.
Guy 2: Oh… come on in…
Guy 4 walks in. Guy 1 charges at him with a plank of wood.
Guy 1: Gaaaaahhh!
Guy 2: No stop!
Guy 1 starts beating up Guy 4.
Guy 1: That’s… for not… giving us… pizza you… son… of… a…
Guy 2 grabs his arm and stops him.
Guy 2: What are you doing you moron? That’s not the annoying pizza guy!
Guy 1: Huh?
Guy 1 looks down at Guy 4.
Guy 1: Hey wait a second you’re not the annoying pizza guy.
Guy 4 scrambles up to his feet.
Guy 4: No I’m not you total moron! I’m the leader of the CCC!
Guy 1: You!?
Guy 4: Yes!
(Pause)
Guy 1 bursts out laughing.
Guy 1: But you’re as short as a hobbit!
Guy 4: Shut up! I am not!
Guy 1: And you sound like one!
Guy 4: Shut up you moron I’m not a hobbit!
Guy 1: What are you going to do? Use your magic ring on me?
Guy 4: Shut up or I’ll kill you! Doesn’t this guy remember who I am?
Guy 2: Nah he doesn’t remember things so well after I thew him out of a car twice then ran him over.
Guy 4: And you didn’t invite me along!? What kind of person are you?
Guy 2: A selfish one.
Just then Guy 2’s mother came round the corner.
Mother: Oh hello! Is this your special little friend?
The Mother bends down so she’s eye level to Guy 4.
Mother: Hello and where are you from?
Guy 4: England.
Mother stands up.
Mother: Oh! Well welcome to Australia. Let me show you around.
She shows him to the nearest light switch.
Mother: This is a light switch… light switch… light switch… light… switch… light switch.
Guy 2: Mum…
Mother: Not now dear. OK now here we’ve got a wall… feel the wall…
Guy 4 puts his hand on the wall while staring at the Mother strangely.
Mother: Yes that’s nice you like that don’t you? It’s concrete. Concrete… con… crete… concrete.
Guy 2: Mum!
Mother: Not now honey mummy’s trying to teach the foreigner what a wall is.
Guy 2: Mum! Stop being so racist! English people know what walls are!
Mother: Yes but do they have concrete over there?
Guy 2: Yes! Now leave us alone! You’re embarrassing me!
Mother: Fine then. I’m leaving.
The Mother walks away.
Guy 4: Is it just me or does everyone treat me like I’m a total moron just because I’m slightly shorter than them?
Guy 1: Slightly!?
Guy 2: Uh… no, don’t worry not everyone just this loser.
Guy 1: Hey!
Guy 4: You’re lucky I don’t have my lackeys with me… or I’d fling them in your eye.
Guy 1: Oh no! Please don’t fling a small annoying Asian and some random drunk in my eyes! That’ll hurt me and possibly leave me blind!
Guy 4: Not what I meant but OK at least you’re scared…
Guy 2: So what have you got to tell us?
Guy 4: I’m here to tell you about your membership into the CCC.
Guy 2: SAC.
Guy 4: Huh?
Guy 2: We came up with a… code name for it… SAC.
Guy 4: What does it stand for?
Guy 2: Songwriters association of Canada.
Guy 4: O… K… Well that’s why they call it a “code name”.
Guy 1: Yes! I get it because the code name isn’t the real name!
Guy 4 nods.
Guy 4: Yes… that’s right! Do you want a dog biscuit?
Guy 1: No not really. Dog food if for dogs! Wow you’re not very smart are you? Moron…
Guy 4: If I didn’t need you I would kill you now…
Guy 1: Huh?
Guy 4: Nothing. Now you were saying you have a problem with the initiation terms and conditions?
Guy 2: I just can’t beat up mr teddy…
Guy 4: O… K…
Guy 2: He keeps looking at me…
Guy 4: Well blindfold him then.
Guy 2: Also. Does it need to be a plastic sword? Can’t I like… shoot him and make it painless for him?
Guy 4: (sighs) OK fine…
Cut to: Guy 2’s bedroom.
Guy 2 is trying a blindfold to a teddy bear. He ties its arms back and props it up against something. He walks over and picks up his rifle. He aims it and shoots the teddy.
Guy 1: Wow…
Guy 4: Well done my apprentice. Your training is complete.
Guy 1: Dude… you went nazi Germany on your teddy bear.
(Pause)
Guy 2: Meh. It’s just a toy bear.
Guy 2 puts down the gun.
Guy 4: Good. Now you’re initiation is complete you can now become part of our secret society and together we can rule the federation together.
Guy 1: Dude…
Guy 4: OK we will start the ceremony tomorrow. I must go now.
The Guys leave the room and wave goodbye to Guy 4 who walks out the door. He passes Psychic Pizza Guy at the gate. Guy 4 looks at him and points with a confused look on his face and looks back at the house. He looks back at Pizza Guy and then shakes his head and walks off.
Guy 1: Oh here comes the pizza guy…
Guy 2: Oh you remember now!
Guy 1: Yeah… is there a reason why I wouldn’t remember something?
Guy 2: Remember how you were thrown out of a moving car three times and run over?
(Pause)
Guy 1: No.
Guy 2: Just get your plank of wood the pizza guy is coming.
Guy 1: Who?
To be continued...
Guy 2: In a while.
Guy 2 looks at his watch.
Guy 2: Oh and I forgot. The leader of the SAC is coming over to my house soon.
Guy 1: Gasp! The leader? Here? Oh I wonder what he looks like…
Guy 2: You met him yesterday… don’t you remember?
Guy 1: No… because you know… remember that time I was thrown out of a moving car?
Guy 2: Oh yeah… that was fun.
Guy 1: No… the other time I was thrown from a moving car?
Guy 2: Uh… oh yeah! That was also fun.
Guy 1: No! The other, other time I was thrown from a moving car.
Cameraman: Oh yeah… that was fun!
Guy 2: Yeah and then we drove around and ran him over?
Cameraman: Yeah! Then he bled from his head! That was a great day!
Guy 1: OK fine yeah I don’t remember things so well because I’ve been thrown out of moving cars a lot.
Guy 2: OK… hey cameraman, want to do that again?
Cameraman: OK!
Guy 2: Come on… we’re going for a ride.
Guy 1: Oh can I get ice-cream?
Guy 2: Sure why not?
The Guys get up to go to the door when there’s a knock.
Guy 2 opens it and looks side to side and sees nothing.
Guy 4: Ahem… down here.
Guy 2 looks down and sees Guy 4.
Guy 2: Oh… come on in…
Guy 4 walks in. Guy 1 charges at him with a plank of wood.
Guy 1: Gaaaaahhh!
Guy 2: No stop!
Guy 1 starts beating up Guy 4.
Guy 1: That’s… for not… giving us… pizza you… son… of… a…
Guy 2 grabs his arm and stops him.
Guy 2: What are you doing you moron? That’s not the annoying pizza guy!
Guy 1: Huh?
Guy 1 looks down at Guy 4.
Guy 1: Hey wait a second you’re not the annoying pizza guy.
Guy 4 scrambles up to his feet.
Guy 4: No I’m not you total moron! I’m the leader of the CCC!
Guy 1: You!?
Guy 4: Yes!
(Pause)
Guy 1 bursts out laughing.
Guy 1: But you’re as short as a hobbit!
Guy 4: Shut up! I am not!
Guy 1: And you sound like one!
Guy 4: Shut up you moron I’m not a hobbit!
Guy 1: What are you going to do? Use your magic ring on me?
Guy 4: Shut up or I’ll kill you! Doesn’t this guy remember who I am?
Guy 2: Nah he doesn’t remember things so well after I thew him out of a car twice then ran him over.
Guy 4: And you didn’t invite me along!? What kind of person are you?
Guy 2: A selfish one.
Just then Guy 2’s mother came round the corner.
Mother: Oh hello! Is this your special little friend?
The Mother bends down so she’s eye level to Guy 4.
Mother: Hello and where are you from?
Guy 4: England.
Mother stands up.
Mother: Oh! Well welcome to Australia. Let me show you around.
She shows him to the nearest light switch.
Mother: This is a light switch… light switch… light switch… light… switch… light switch.
Guy 2: Mum…
Mother: Not now dear. OK now here we’ve got a wall… feel the wall…
Guy 4 puts his hand on the wall while staring at the Mother strangely.
Mother: Yes that’s nice you like that don’t you? It’s concrete. Concrete… con… crete… concrete.
Guy 2: Mum!
Mother: Not now honey mummy’s trying to teach the foreigner what a wall is.
Guy 2: Mum! Stop being so racist! English people know what walls are!
Mother: Yes but do they have concrete over there?
Guy 2: Yes! Now leave us alone! You’re embarrassing me!
Mother: Fine then. I’m leaving.
The Mother walks away.
Guy 4: Is it just me or does everyone treat me like I’m a total moron just because I’m slightly shorter than them?
Guy 1: Slightly!?
Guy 2: Uh… no, don’t worry not everyone just this loser.
Guy 1: Hey!
Guy 4: You’re lucky I don’t have my lackeys with me… or I’d fling them in your eye.
Guy 1: Oh no! Please don’t fling a small annoying Asian and some random drunk in my eyes! That’ll hurt me and possibly leave me blind!
Guy 4: Not what I meant but OK at least you’re scared…
Guy 2: So what have you got to tell us?
Guy 4: I’m here to tell you about your membership into the CCC.
Guy 2: SAC.
Guy 4: Huh?
Guy 2: We came up with a… code name for it… SAC.
Guy 4: What does it stand for?
Guy 2: Songwriters association of Canada.
Guy 4: O… K… Well that’s why they call it a “code name”.
Guy 1: Yes! I get it because the code name isn’t the real name!
Guy 4 nods.
Guy 4: Yes… that’s right! Do you want a dog biscuit?
Guy 1: No not really. Dog food if for dogs! Wow you’re not very smart are you? Moron…
Guy 4: If I didn’t need you I would kill you now…
Guy 1: Huh?
Guy 4: Nothing. Now you were saying you have a problem with the initiation terms and conditions?
Guy 2: I just can’t beat up mr teddy…
Guy 4: O… K…
Guy 2: He keeps looking at me…
Guy 4: Well blindfold him then.
Guy 2: Also. Does it need to be a plastic sword? Can’t I like… shoot him and make it painless for him?
Guy 4: (sighs) OK fine…
Cut to: Guy 2’s bedroom.
Guy 2 is trying a blindfold to a teddy bear. He ties its arms back and props it up against something. He walks over and picks up his rifle. He aims it and shoots the teddy.
Guy 1: Wow…
Guy 4: Well done my apprentice. Your training is complete.
Guy 1: Dude… you went nazi Germany on your teddy bear.
(Pause)
Guy 2: Meh. It’s just a toy bear.
Guy 2 puts down the gun.
Guy 4: Good. Now you’re initiation is complete you can now become part of our secret society and together we can rule the federation together.
Guy 1: Dude…
Guy 4: OK we will start the ceremony tomorrow. I must go now.
The Guys leave the room and wave goodbye to Guy 4 who walks out the door. He passes Psychic Pizza Guy at the gate. Guy 4 looks at him and points with a confused look on his face and looks back at the house. He looks back at Pizza Guy and then shakes his head and walks off.
Guy 1: Oh here comes the pizza guy…
Guy 2: Oh you remember now!
Guy 1: Yeah… is there a reason why I wouldn’t remember something?
Guy 2: Remember how you were thrown out of a moving car three times and run over?
(Pause)
Guy 1: No.
Guy 2: Just get your plank of wood the pizza guy is coming.
Guy 1: Who?
To be continued...
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