Authors note: Hey isn't it cool that chapter 13 is called "Certain Doom! Dooooom!"? I think it's cool even though I have no superstitious affiliations with the number 13. I didn't plan that you know. Story time!
Guy 1 is walking towards the shops when he sees a person in front of him. He moves to the side but she moves also. He moves to the other side but she once again moves in his way.
Guy 1: Uh…
Girl 2: Tell me… what are the clouds doing?
Guy 1 looks up.
Guy 1: Uh… they’re floating around in the sky…
Girl 2: By the way… who are you?
Girl 2 turns around and points a fluffy pen at Guy 1.
Guy 1: Uh… I’m not sure I should tell ya…
Girl 2: That’s an interesting sword you’re carrying.
Guy 1 looks at his hand.
Guy 1: My hand?
Girl 2: You must be it’s chosen wielder.
Guy 1: Uh… yes I was born with it.
Girl 2: Tell me… Do people laugh at you for that?
Guy 1: It’s… a hand… people don’t laugh… not that I know of.
Girl 2: I see…
Guy 1: Can I get past you now?
Girl 2: Well I really don’t feel like letting you past.
Guy 1: Will you change your mind anytime soon?
Girl 2: I might change my mind… after I defeat you… ya!
Girl 2 waves her pen at Guy 1’s stomach. It does nothing and he looks down then back up at her.
Guy 1: OK you’ve “defeated” me… now can I get past you?
Girl 2: No. I don’t want you too.
Guy 1: Well too bad. Nice meeting you deranged lady I’m leaving now.
Guy 1 walks past Girl 2.
Girl 2: Come back! I can still bite your legs off!
Girl 2 shakes her fist in the air for a few seconds before taking out her mobile and calling Worker 1.
Girl 2: Come in Cheese lover. Come in Cheese lover. This is Pie Llama.
Worker 1: I don’t get these codenames. They’re kind of weird.
Girl 2: Well you promised me that I could make up whatever codenames I wanted.
Worker 1: When did I say that?
Girl 2: Uh… when you… did… anyway, it’s no good. I tried my hardest to delay him and he walked past me.
Worker 1: Well don’t just stand there! Try again! We must stop him from getting to the shops at all costs! Don’t force us to use plan B!
Girl 2: Why not? I like plan B! Plan B is a good plan! Much better than plan A!
Worker 1: Yes but Plan B is more extreme that’s why we made it plan B.
Girl 2: Well I say we should’ve called it plan A.
Worker 1: Just do your job.
Girl 2: OK, Pie Llama out.
Worker 1: Why are you a llama?
Girl 2: Because llamas are smexy.
Girl 2 hangs up and looks towards the direction of the shops. Guy 1 is walking along when all of a sudden Girl 2 jumps out in front of him and puts her arms out like a bear.
Girl 2: Raaarrr!
Guy 1 pauses then keeps going and walks around Girl 2. Girl 2 turns around still with her arms up.
Girl 2: Raarr?
Guy 1 is even further up the path when Girl 2 walks out in front of him again.
Guy 1: If there’s something you want I’m sure the people in white coats can help you get it. Please leave me alone
Girl 2: We meet at last…
Guy 1: Do you expect me to put up with you?
Girl 2: No I expect you to die!
Girl 2 pokes Guy 1 in the stomach gently.
Guy 1: Uh…
Girl 2: Why won’t you die?
Girl 2 keeps poking Guy 1 in the stomach.
Guy 1: Because… I don’t feel like dying?
Girl 2: Ugh… fine… OK here’s the deal. Don’t go to the shops to tell people the world is ending anymore or something bad will happen. Kapeesh?
Guy 1: No.
Girl 2: Look! Terrible things are going to happen! It’s going to happen to you! And you! And you!
Girl 2 points to Guy 1 then at Cameraman then at Guy 1.
Guy 1: You pointed at me twice.
Girl 2: You’ll be trapped forever! A twisted tail! Eeeeppaaa! Eeeeppaaa!
Guy 1: What has Eeeppaa have to do with this?
Girl 2: Huh? No! I just say that after sentences sometimes… Eeeeppaaa!
Guy 1: Ah ha…
Girl 2: Just turn around and go back to where you came from… wherever that is.
Guy 1: Yeah about that… I don’t feel like it.
Girl 2: Ah… and I’m trying to force you aren’t I?
Guy 1: Yes.
Girl 2: And how does that make you feel?
Guy 1: Uh… annoyed?
Girl 2: Interesting… and how does that make you feel?
Guy 1: I already told you. You’re repeating yourself.
Girl 2: Interesting… and how does that make you feel?
Guy 1: Angry. Now get out of my way.
Girl 2: But… you’ll have something bad happen to you! Eeeeppaaa! Eeeeeeppppaaaa!
Guy 1: Yeah… I’m leaving. I have people to yell at.
Guy 1 walks past Girl 2.
Girl 2: No you moron! Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Guy 1: Yeah yeah I know yadda yadda blah blah blah certain doom I’ve heard it all before…
The screen blurs in and out and Guy 1 is standing in brown clothes and a hat. He walks up to a small object on a raised pedestal. Sweat rolls down his forehead and he holds up a bag of sand in one hand. He thinks back to what an old man had once told him.
Guy 2: (In old man voice) Certain doom faces you if you go into the Temple of Doom! Doooooommm! They don’t call it that for nothing you know. Eh forget it… no one listens to old people… I think I’ll go yell at some young people on my lawn.
Guy 1: Man… my grandfather is really ugly… and annoying… and familiar looking… ok here goes nothing.
Guy 1 switches the object with the bag of sand and a wooden plank falls from the sky and hits him on the head and knocks him unconscious.
Cut to: Guy 1 on the street.
Guy 1: That is the last time I ignore the warning of strange old people…
Girl 2 takes out her phone again.
Girl 2: OK I’ve tried everything I can think of… unless… nah I don’t have any llamas with me…
Worker 1: What is with you and Llamas?
Girl 2: What is with you and your face?
Worker 1: Huh?
Girl 2: Never mind. He’s still proceeding to the Cheese pie. I repeat, the Orang-utan man is on his way to the Cheese pie.
Worker 1: You mean the shops?
Girl 2: Yes.
Worker 1: Why is it called a “cheese pie”? That makes no sense.
Girl 2: You make no sense.
Worker 1: Stop saying that!
Girl 2: Make me.
Worker 1: Grr! One of these days I will… but in the meantime I have to put plan B into action.
Girl 2: Oh yay! Finally we get to see your evil plan!
Worker 1: Yes I am quite evil.
Worker 1 puts her pinky finger to her mouth.
Girl 2: You’re not putting your pinky in you mouth are you?
Worker 1 quickly puts her finger down.
Worker 1: Uh… no… why would I do that?
Girl 2: Dunno. Because you have issues?
Worker 1: Leave my issues out of this!
Girl 2: I’ll leave whatever I want out of this!
Worker 1: Well I have to go now… ugh… Cheese lover out…
Girl 2: Pie Llama out!
Girl 2 hangs up the phone. Guy 1 continues walking up the street and turns the corner and walks into the parking lot at the shops. He walks up along the path and meets face to face with Worker 1.
Worker 1: We meet at last.
Guy 1: Oh no… you don’t expect me to die do you?
Worker 1: Huh?
Guy 1: Nevermind. Do I know you?
Worker 1: No… but I know you…
Guy 1: Oh… well the world is ending soon.
Worker 1: For you it is! Mwahahahahaha!
Worker 1 puts their pinky finger to the corner of their mouth. Nothing happens.
Worker 1: That’s the secret signal… the finger…
Guy 1: Huh?
Before Guy 1 can do anything Worker 2 jumps out from the side and puts a bag over Guy 1’s head. The screen goes blank for a moment.
To be continued...
Showing posts with label conspiracy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conspiracy. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
CBM 5: The Very Interesting Wall
Guy 1: Answer me or I’ll kick you in the head you little midget!
Guy 4 puts his hand on Girl 1’s shoulder.
Guy 4: If you ever feel like people are ignoring you just call me.
Girl 1 slowly grabs his hand and brushes it off her shoulder. She gives him a toothless smile and shakes her head.
Guy 4: O… K…
Guy 4 turns to Guy 1.
Guy 4: Sorry were you saying something?
Guy 1: We’re not members of the secret society yet?
Guy 4: Yes… you’re not part of the…
Guy 4 leans forward and looks side to side. Guy 1 looks around confused.
Guy 4: Secret society yet.
Guy 1: Why does everyone keep looking in random directions?
Guy 3: I can answer that… it all started…
Guy 3 turns around and faces the wall with a distance look on his face.
Guy 3: Many years ago…
Guy 1: Oh no! I’m not having another flashback! They’re boring, stupid and distracts the viewer from the total lack of plot so get back to the part about us not being members and stop looking at the wall!
Guy 3: But I’m so happy when I look at walls…
Guy 1: OK fine he can stare at the wall while we talk.
Guy 5: Oh can I stare at the wall too?
Guy 1: Uh… why are you asking me?
Guy 5 shrugs and goes over to the wall with Guy 3.
Guy 5: So… it’s a wall…
Guy 3: Yeah… pretty cool wall?
Guy 5: Are you gay?
Guy 3 looks at him confused.
Guy 3: What?
Guy 5: Ha ha I made you stop looking at the wall.
Guy 3: You are so annoying you know that?
Guy 5 nods.
Guy 4: Yes like I said you’re not part of this…
Guy 1: If you look around the room I’m going to kill you.
Guy 4: Secret… society… yet because you have not gone through… the initiation!
Guy 3 and 5 turn around and go “duh duh duuuhhhh!” before turning back to the wall. Guy 1 looks at them strangely and shakes his head and goes back to looking at Guy 4.
Guy 1: O… K… so…
Guy 2: That was odd.
Guy 1: Yes it was. Thanks for interrupting me.
Guy 2: You’re welcome.
Guy 1: Anyway… initiation… is this going to involve any paddles?
Guy 4: No…
Guy 1: You promise?
Guy 4: Yes! I promise there will be no flamboyantly homosexual spanking with paddles of any kind…
Guy 1: Oh thank goodness… I remember the last time I was initiated into something…
Guy 2 and Girl 1 edge away from Guy 1.
Guy 1: Uh… yeah like I was saying… why should we go through an initiation just for this secret society?
Guy 4: Because I have magic powers and can make it appear like there’s two of me.
Guy 4 walks up next to Guy 4. The clones look at each other up and down and smile.
Guy 4: Wow… I’m pretty good looking…
Guy 4 clicks his hands and points to his clone and vice-versa.
Guy 4: Ehhhh!
Guy 4 puts his hands up to his mouth in the shape of a phone and mouths the words “call me” as the clone walks away.
Guy 1: Interesting…
Guy 2: Wow… to the untrained eye that would’ve looked like a cheap camera trick but it was really actually amazing.
Guy 1: I agree… although that was a bit disturbing…
Guy 2: Quite.
Guy 1: Indeed.
Guy 2: Yes.
Guy 1: So…
Guy 2: Yeah…
Guy 1: Quite.
Guy 2: Indeed.
Guy 4: Shut up!
Guy 1: OK.
Guy 2: Indeed.
Guy 4: You shut up too!
Guy 2: Sorry.
Guy 1: Quite.
Guy 2: Indeed.
Guy 4: Will you stop talking in one-worded sentences before I kill you?
Guy 2: Yes.
Guy 1: Maybe.
Guy 2: Depends.
Guy 4: OK you two stop talking lets hear from her for a minute shall we?
Guy 4 points to Girl 1. Everyone stares at her and she looks around with her eyes. She looks up as if trying to think and there’s a long pause as everyone continues staring at her. She then opens her mouth and raises a finger as if about to speak.
Guy 1: Nah this is boring let’s get back to the initiation business.
Guy 2: I agree.
Guy 1: Quite.
Guy 2: Indeed.
Girl 1 looks shocked and her mouth is wide open. She hits Guy 1 and then crosses her arms and looks straight ahead.
Guy 1: Ow.
Guy 2: Yes.
Guy 1: Indeed.
Guy 4: If you keep this up you’re not getting in.
Guy 1: Sorry.
Guy 4: OK to get through the initiation you must do a series of ridiculously stupid and retarded tasks to make sure you’re absolutely set on being part of the society and to also maintain your insanity excuse.
Cameraman: Oh yeah!
Cameraman Hi-fives Guy 2 then Guy 1 then goes to Girl 1. She’s still sitting with her arms crossed. She looks at the hand and sighs. She Hi-fives cameraman unenthusiastically and goes back to crossing her arms.
Guy 4: Yes… the following tasks are as such… remember that they are truly moronic and anyone who does these without trying to get into a secret society is a moron… first you must search for aliens in plain sight.
Guy 1 looks uncomfortable.
Guy 4: You must tell everyone the world is ending… you must constantly hang up on telemarketers in ridiculously stupid ways in an attempt to make people laugh, which you will always fail at, you must also beat your teddy bear up with a plastic sword and post it on the internet.
As Guy 4 says these things a short clip of these happening is played between them.
Guy 1: O… K… if we’ve already done these things do we need to do them… again? You know because a friend of mine wants to know.
Guy 4: Your friend is a loser… and yes… you do…
Guy 1: Oh…
Guy 1 breathes out loudly.
Guy 1: Again? Hmm… o… k… I guess I could… do them again… you know… if it for… you know… a secret society… I guess…
(Long Pause)
Guy 2: Indeed.
Cameraman: Well there’s no way I’m doing those things! I wasn’t even there when they did any of those things!
Guy 4: Yes, well don’t worry girls have a different initiation process.
Guy 2: What?
Guy 4: Yes… because girls are better than you…
Cameraman: I like this already!
Guy 4: It’s also necessary for me to have all the numbers of people in the secret society…
Cameraman: Keep dreaming.
Guy 2: So how’s theirs different to ours?
Guy 4: They basically have to make a pyramid out of cards.
Guy 2: That’s it?
Guy 4: Yeah…
Guy 2: What about equal treatment to men and women?
Guy 4: Yeah we don’t believe in that… I mean seriously it’s obvious that she’s better than you in everyway except for being fat.
Cameraman: Oh burn!
Guy 2: Hey I’m comfortable with the way I look why can’t the rest of the world be?
Cameraman: Because you ate the rest of the world because you’re really fat because you ate lots of people!
Guy 2: Hey I did not- wait… well… define lots…
Cameraman: Make me.
Guy 2: Do small children count?
Cameraman: We’re changing the subject before you get even less dignity.
Guy 2: What dignity? I don’t have any the day I met this guy.
Guy 2 points to Guy 1.
Guy 1: Hey!
Cameraman: Well… you’ll have negative dignity! Oh! Take that!
Guy 3: Hey guess what? The plots developing really slowly!
Guy 2: Hey guess what? Shut up!
Guy 3: That was a bad come back.
Guy 2: You’re mum’s a bad come back.
Guy 3: I don’t even know why I looked away from the wall in the first place…
Guy 3 turns back to the wall only Guy 5 is in the way.
Guy 5: Hello.
Guy 5 waves.
Guy 3: Oh… now I remember.
Guy 5: Hello.
Guy 5 continues waving.
To be continued...
Guy 4 puts his hand on Girl 1’s shoulder.
Guy 4: If you ever feel like people are ignoring you just call me.
Girl 1 slowly grabs his hand and brushes it off her shoulder. She gives him a toothless smile and shakes her head.
Guy 4: O… K…
Guy 4 turns to Guy 1.
Guy 4: Sorry were you saying something?
Guy 1: We’re not members of the secret society yet?
Guy 4: Yes… you’re not part of the…
Guy 4 leans forward and looks side to side. Guy 1 looks around confused.
Guy 4: Secret society yet.
Guy 1: Why does everyone keep looking in random directions?
Guy 3: I can answer that… it all started…
Guy 3 turns around and faces the wall with a distance look on his face.
Guy 3: Many years ago…
Guy 1: Oh no! I’m not having another flashback! They’re boring, stupid and distracts the viewer from the total lack of plot so get back to the part about us not being members and stop looking at the wall!
Guy 3: But I’m so happy when I look at walls…
Guy 1: OK fine he can stare at the wall while we talk.
Guy 5: Oh can I stare at the wall too?
Guy 1: Uh… why are you asking me?
Guy 5 shrugs and goes over to the wall with Guy 3.
Guy 5: So… it’s a wall…
Guy 3: Yeah… pretty cool wall?
Guy 5: Are you gay?
Guy 3 looks at him confused.
Guy 3: What?
Guy 5: Ha ha I made you stop looking at the wall.
Guy 3: You are so annoying you know that?
Guy 5 nods.
Guy 4: Yes like I said you’re not part of this…
Guy 1: If you look around the room I’m going to kill you.
Guy 4: Secret… society… yet because you have not gone through… the initiation!
Guy 3 and 5 turn around and go “duh duh duuuhhhh!” before turning back to the wall. Guy 1 looks at them strangely and shakes his head and goes back to looking at Guy 4.
Guy 1: O… K… so…
Guy 2: That was odd.
Guy 1: Yes it was. Thanks for interrupting me.
Guy 2: You’re welcome.
Guy 1: Anyway… initiation… is this going to involve any paddles?
Guy 4: No…
Guy 1: You promise?
Guy 4: Yes! I promise there will be no flamboyantly homosexual spanking with paddles of any kind…
Guy 1: Oh thank goodness… I remember the last time I was initiated into something…
Guy 2 and Girl 1 edge away from Guy 1.
Guy 1: Uh… yeah like I was saying… why should we go through an initiation just for this secret society?
Guy 4: Because I have magic powers and can make it appear like there’s two of me.
Guy 4 walks up next to Guy 4. The clones look at each other up and down and smile.
Guy 4: Wow… I’m pretty good looking…
Guy 4 clicks his hands and points to his clone and vice-versa.
Guy 4: Ehhhh!
Guy 4 puts his hands up to his mouth in the shape of a phone and mouths the words “call me” as the clone walks away.
Guy 1: Interesting…
Guy 2: Wow… to the untrained eye that would’ve looked like a cheap camera trick but it was really actually amazing.
Guy 1: I agree… although that was a bit disturbing…
Guy 2: Quite.
Guy 1: Indeed.
Guy 2: Yes.
Guy 1: So…
Guy 2: Yeah…
Guy 1: Quite.
Guy 2: Indeed.
Guy 4: Shut up!
Guy 1: OK.
Guy 2: Indeed.
Guy 4: You shut up too!
Guy 2: Sorry.
Guy 1: Quite.
Guy 2: Indeed.
Guy 4: Will you stop talking in one-worded sentences before I kill you?
Guy 2: Yes.
Guy 1: Maybe.
Guy 2: Depends.
Guy 4: OK you two stop talking lets hear from her for a minute shall we?
Guy 4 points to Girl 1. Everyone stares at her and she looks around with her eyes. She looks up as if trying to think and there’s a long pause as everyone continues staring at her. She then opens her mouth and raises a finger as if about to speak.
Guy 1: Nah this is boring let’s get back to the initiation business.
Guy 2: I agree.
Guy 1: Quite.
Guy 2: Indeed.
Girl 1 looks shocked and her mouth is wide open. She hits Guy 1 and then crosses her arms and looks straight ahead.
Guy 1: Ow.
Guy 2: Yes.
Guy 1: Indeed.
Guy 4: If you keep this up you’re not getting in.
Guy 1: Sorry.
Guy 4: OK to get through the initiation you must do a series of ridiculously stupid and retarded tasks to make sure you’re absolutely set on being part of the society and to also maintain your insanity excuse.
Cameraman: Oh yeah!
Cameraman Hi-fives Guy 2 then Guy 1 then goes to Girl 1. She’s still sitting with her arms crossed. She looks at the hand and sighs. She Hi-fives cameraman unenthusiastically and goes back to crossing her arms.
Guy 4: Yes… the following tasks are as such… remember that they are truly moronic and anyone who does these without trying to get into a secret society is a moron… first you must search for aliens in plain sight.
Guy 1 looks uncomfortable.
Guy 4: You must tell everyone the world is ending… you must constantly hang up on telemarketers in ridiculously stupid ways in an attempt to make people laugh, which you will always fail at, you must also beat your teddy bear up with a plastic sword and post it on the internet.
As Guy 4 says these things a short clip of these happening is played between them.
Guy 1: O… K… if we’ve already done these things do we need to do them… again? You know because a friend of mine wants to know.
Guy 4: Your friend is a loser… and yes… you do…
Guy 1: Oh…
Guy 1 breathes out loudly.
Guy 1: Again? Hmm… o… k… I guess I could… do them again… you know… if it for… you know… a secret society… I guess…
(Long Pause)
Guy 2: Indeed.
Cameraman: Well there’s no way I’m doing those things! I wasn’t even there when they did any of those things!
Guy 4: Yes, well don’t worry girls have a different initiation process.
Guy 2: What?
Guy 4: Yes… because girls are better than you…
Cameraman: I like this already!
Guy 4: It’s also necessary for me to have all the numbers of people in the secret society…
Cameraman: Keep dreaming.
Guy 2: So how’s theirs different to ours?
Guy 4: They basically have to make a pyramid out of cards.
Guy 2: That’s it?
Guy 4: Yeah…
Guy 2: What about equal treatment to men and women?
Guy 4: Yeah we don’t believe in that… I mean seriously it’s obvious that she’s better than you in everyway except for being fat.
Cameraman: Oh burn!
Guy 2: Hey I’m comfortable with the way I look why can’t the rest of the world be?
Cameraman: Because you ate the rest of the world because you’re really fat because you ate lots of people!
Guy 2: Hey I did not- wait… well… define lots…
Cameraman: Make me.
Guy 2: Do small children count?
Cameraman: We’re changing the subject before you get even less dignity.
Guy 2: What dignity? I don’t have any the day I met this guy.
Guy 2 points to Guy 1.
Guy 1: Hey!
Cameraman: Well… you’ll have negative dignity! Oh! Take that!
Guy 3: Hey guess what? The plots developing really slowly!
Guy 2: Hey guess what? Shut up!
Guy 3: That was a bad come back.
Guy 2: You’re mum’s a bad come back.
Guy 3: I don’t even know why I looked away from the wall in the first place…
Guy 3 turns back to the wall only Guy 5 is in the way.
Guy 5: Hello.
Guy 5 waves.
Guy 3: Oh… now I remember.
Guy 5: Hello.
Guy 5 continues waving.
To be continued...
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
CBM 4: A Psycho Cult by any Other Name
Guy 3: OK… so it is true what they say back at super-special-awesome-secret headquarters… our standards have dropped significantly…
Guy 2: Yes I assume they would’ve seeing how he’s here.
Guy 3: Oh and you as well. Don’t forget that you suck too.
Guy 2: Keep it to yourself you blabbering drunk.
Guy 3: I keep telling you I no longer take drugs of any kind.
Guy 2: Sure… sure… just you keep believing that while the rest of us mock you.
Guy 3: I don’t drink…
(Pause)
Guy 2: Baaaaaaa!
Guy 3: Stop mentioning that will you!?
(Pause)
Guy 2: Baaaaa!
Guy 3: I’ll hit you! I mean… forgive me brother… let us sing songs.
Guy 4: You know you can stop acting like that. We’ve drawn them in.
Guy 2: Huh? What does that mean?
Guy 4: Hey to anyone who isn’t being accepted into the society thinks we’re just some psycho cult because we act like total fruitcakes and go round talking about “peace” and “love” and what not. All the cults and secret societies do it.
Guy 1: You mean when those Moonies said they loved me it was all a lie!?
Guy 4: Yes… they secretly don’t give a (BEEP) about you at all.
(Pause)
Guy 1 starts crying. Girl 1 puts her hand on his shoulder to comfort him.
Guy 4: Stop that.
Guy 1 stops crying.
Guy 1: I’m OK.
Guy 2: So all we know about cults is really a total lie?
Guy 4: Yep… except the bit about them being run by powerful money-hungry and evil corporations.
Guy 1: Oh, well, when you put it like that.
Guy 4: Huh?
Guy 1: I uh… don’t know… I just felt like talking then… just ignore me from now on.
Guy 4: Gladly. So you see we must make it seem to anyone who has found out you’re part of this secret society that you’re totally insane.
Guy 2: Doesn’t seem too hard we do that all the time.
Cameraman: Oh yeah!
Guy 2 hi-fives Cameraman. Girl 1 puts out her hand and looks at Guy 2 and he just looks back. She turns to Guy 1 with her hand still out anticipating a Hi-five. He looks at her and waves.
Guy 1: Hello. Did you want something?
Girl 1 motions towards her hand. Guy 1 looks at it.
Guy 1: I’m not giving you money if that’s what you want.
Girl 1 hits her head with her hand and turns away and crosses her arms.
Guy 4: OK so you can all act like a bunch of insane lunatics on call?
Cameraman: You don’t even have to ask.
Guy 4: Good. OK first to join this secret fraternity you must go through an initiation.
Guy 1: Hey wait. What is this? An organization, a cult a society or a fraternity? You keep changing your description of this secret thing actually is!
Guy 4: OK fine. Shall we stick with “Secret Society”?
Guy 2: Yeah I like that.
Guy 1: Yep.
Guy 3: Oh yeah that’s fine with me.
Cameraman: You’re face!
Guy 1: That’s a yes.
Cameraman: HoooWaaaa!
Cameraman slaps Guy 1.
Guy 1: Ow! Hey but cameraman promised!
Cameraman: Cameraman lied…
Guy 4: Enough! Save it for where it’s appropriate… parliament house!
Cameraman: People keep saying that but I never get to go.
Guy 4: OK we will now refer to it as a “Secret Society” and not an organization, fraternity, cult or organization.
Guy 1: You said organisation twice.
Guy 4: Silence!
Guy 4 snaps his fingers and Guy 5 goes over and stats waving at Guy 1.
Guy 1: You call this annoying?
Guy 4: It will become annoying after a while… trust me that guy is so annoying sometimes I just want to stand on a couple of phone books and strangle him.
Guy 5 keeps waving.
Guy 1: Yeah I know how you feel… man I want to kill Robert Wadlow so much… thinks he’s better than me because he’s taller than me…
Guy 2: He died over fifty years ago and he doesn’t think he’s better than you because he’s taller he thinks he’s better than you because he is!
Guy 1: Shut up!
Guy 1 turns to Guy 5.
Guy 1: OK you can stop now… hello… yes… hello again… you can stop… stop… stop… stop… stop… stop… stop… stop… stop… please stop… just stop it!
Guy 4 snaps his fingers.
Guy 4: I think he’s suffered enough… for now…
Guy 2: So what is this…?
Guy 2 leans forward and looks side to side.
Guy 2: Secret Society…called?
Guy 4: Well this…
Guy 4 looks side to side.
Guy 4: Secret Society is called the Coo-Coo-Clan.
Everyone in the room gasps besides Guy 4.
(Pause)
Guy 1: Oh… my… gosh! It’s the KKK!
Guy 4: No you moron it’s the CCC! Learn to spell!
Guy 1: Never! That’s the spell-checks job not mine!
Guy 4: From now on you will pay attention to the spell checker and spell words like “cat” without any numbers or exclamation marks halfway through. The only word spelt with a “6” is the word “garwsh”.
Cameraman: Told you so!
Guy 2: Ha ha! You got told!
Guy 1: Hey shut up you spell worse then me!
Guy 2: But your handwriting is harder to read.
Guy 1: Then we’re equal.
Guy 2: Agreed.
Cameraman: Fags.
Guy 1: What’s her problem?
Guy 2: It’s that time of the month… you know… when the local electronics shop has a sale and she still doesn’t have enough money to buy a new camera because we don’t pay her…
Guy 1: Aaaah!
Guy 3: Hang on. I have a problem and I want to share it.
Guy 1: Hey I don’t want anymore diseases. I’m just not ready for that kind of relationship… again.
Guy 2: Neither am I.
Guy 3: No not that kind of problem you morons.
Guy 2: Then refill your prescription what do you need us for?
Guy 3: I mean I have a problem with the name!
Guy 2: Ooooohh! That kind of problem! Makes so much sense now!
Guy 3: Yeah! My problem is that it’s the coo-coo-clan and not the coo-coo-secret-society.
Everyone stares at Guy 3.
Guy 4: That’s because the coo-coo-secret-society is a retarded name!
Guy 5: I agree.
Guy 4: I didn’t say you’re allowed to talk.
Guy 3: Well maybe we should change it to something else…
Guy 4: So you’re saying a top-secret society that hasn’t changed in the past hundred years should change its name just so you don’t have a problem with it?
Guy 3: Yes…
Guy 4: All opposed to beating this guy?
He turns to everyone and they just sit there doing nothing.
Guy 4: OK.
Guy 3: You can’t do that!
Guy 4: I was kidding we’re not going to hurt you…
Guy 1: You were kidding!? I didn’t know this!
Guy 2: Hey! That’s unfair! I honestly thought he was going to be beaten!
Cameraman: This is an outrage!
Guy 4: Everyone calm down!
Guy 2: As members of this…
Guy 2 leans forward and looks side to side.
Guy 2: Secret Society… I think we should be allowed to democratically make it so this guy can get beaten up whenever we feel like it.
Guy 4: Well you’re not members yet.
Girl 1 gasps.
Guy 4: Oh wow you’re still here. You haven’t moved much in the past half an hour have you?
Girl 1 shakes her head.
Guy 4: Yeah I know how you feel always being ignored.
Guy 1: Ahem.
Guy 4: No body acknowledges your existence.
Guy 1: Excuse me you were saying?
Guy 4: I mean it must be really infuriating having people ignore you like that.
Girl 1 shakes her head agreeably with what Guy 4 is saying.
Guy 1: We’re not members of the society but…
(Pause)
Guy 4: I just hate it when I’m ignored…
Guy 1: Gah!
To be continued...
Guy 2: Yes I assume they would’ve seeing how he’s here.
Guy 3: Oh and you as well. Don’t forget that you suck too.
Guy 2: Keep it to yourself you blabbering drunk.
Guy 3: I keep telling you I no longer take drugs of any kind.
Guy 2: Sure… sure… just you keep believing that while the rest of us mock you.
Guy 3: I don’t drink…
(Pause)
Guy 2: Baaaaaaa!
Guy 3: Stop mentioning that will you!?
(Pause)
Guy 2: Baaaaa!
Guy 3: I’ll hit you! I mean… forgive me brother… let us sing songs.
Guy 4: You know you can stop acting like that. We’ve drawn them in.
Guy 2: Huh? What does that mean?
Guy 4: Hey to anyone who isn’t being accepted into the society thinks we’re just some psycho cult because we act like total fruitcakes and go round talking about “peace” and “love” and what not. All the cults and secret societies do it.
Guy 1: You mean when those Moonies said they loved me it was all a lie!?
Guy 4: Yes… they secretly don’t give a (BEEP) about you at all.
(Pause)
Guy 1 starts crying. Girl 1 puts her hand on his shoulder to comfort him.
Guy 4: Stop that.
Guy 1 stops crying.
Guy 1: I’m OK.
Guy 2: So all we know about cults is really a total lie?
Guy 4: Yep… except the bit about them being run by powerful money-hungry and evil corporations.
Guy 1: Oh, well, when you put it like that.
Guy 4: Huh?
Guy 1: I uh… don’t know… I just felt like talking then… just ignore me from now on.
Guy 4: Gladly. So you see we must make it seem to anyone who has found out you’re part of this secret society that you’re totally insane.
Guy 2: Doesn’t seem too hard we do that all the time.
Cameraman: Oh yeah!
Guy 2 hi-fives Cameraman. Girl 1 puts out her hand and looks at Guy 2 and he just looks back. She turns to Guy 1 with her hand still out anticipating a Hi-five. He looks at her and waves.
Guy 1: Hello. Did you want something?
Girl 1 motions towards her hand. Guy 1 looks at it.
Guy 1: I’m not giving you money if that’s what you want.
Girl 1 hits her head with her hand and turns away and crosses her arms.
Guy 4: OK so you can all act like a bunch of insane lunatics on call?
Cameraman: You don’t even have to ask.
Guy 4: Good. OK first to join this secret fraternity you must go through an initiation.
Guy 1: Hey wait. What is this? An organization, a cult a society or a fraternity? You keep changing your description of this secret thing actually is!
Guy 4: OK fine. Shall we stick with “Secret Society”?
Guy 2: Yeah I like that.
Guy 1: Yep.
Guy 3: Oh yeah that’s fine with me.
Cameraman: You’re face!
Guy 1: That’s a yes.
Cameraman: HoooWaaaa!
Cameraman slaps Guy 1.
Guy 1: Ow! Hey but cameraman promised!
Cameraman: Cameraman lied…
Guy 4: Enough! Save it for where it’s appropriate… parliament house!
Cameraman: People keep saying that but I never get to go.
Guy 4: OK we will now refer to it as a “Secret Society” and not an organization, fraternity, cult or organization.
Guy 1: You said organisation twice.
Guy 4: Silence!
Guy 4 snaps his fingers and Guy 5 goes over and stats waving at Guy 1.
Guy 1: You call this annoying?
Guy 4: It will become annoying after a while… trust me that guy is so annoying sometimes I just want to stand on a couple of phone books and strangle him.
Guy 5 keeps waving.
Guy 1: Yeah I know how you feel… man I want to kill Robert Wadlow so much… thinks he’s better than me because he’s taller than me…
Guy 2: He died over fifty years ago and he doesn’t think he’s better than you because he’s taller he thinks he’s better than you because he is!
Guy 1: Shut up!
Guy 1 turns to Guy 5.
Guy 1: OK you can stop now… hello… yes… hello again… you can stop… stop… stop… stop… stop… stop… stop… stop… stop… please stop… just stop it!
Guy 4 snaps his fingers.
Guy 4: I think he’s suffered enough… for now…
Guy 2: So what is this…?
Guy 2 leans forward and looks side to side.
Guy 2: Secret Society…called?
Guy 4: Well this…
Guy 4 looks side to side.
Guy 4: Secret Society is called the Coo-Coo-Clan.
Everyone in the room gasps besides Guy 4.
(Pause)
Guy 1: Oh… my… gosh! It’s the KKK!
Guy 4: No you moron it’s the CCC! Learn to spell!
Guy 1: Never! That’s the spell-checks job not mine!
Guy 4: From now on you will pay attention to the spell checker and spell words like “cat” without any numbers or exclamation marks halfway through. The only word spelt with a “6” is the word “garwsh”.
Cameraman: Told you so!
Guy 2: Ha ha! You got told!
Guy 1: Hey shut up you spell worse then me!
Guy 2: But your handwriting is harder to read.
Guy 1: Then we’re equal.
Guy 2: Agreed.
Cameraman: Fags.
Guy 1: What’s her problem?
Guy 2: It’s that time of the month… you know… when the local electronics shop has a sale and she still doesn’t have enough money to buy a new camera because we don’t pay her…
Guy 1: Aaaah!
Guy 3: Hang on. I have a problem and I want to share it.
Guy 1: Hey I don’t want anymore diseases. I’m just not ready for that kind of relationship… again.
Guy 2: Neither am I.
Guy 3: No not that kind of problem you morons.
Guy 2: Then refill your prescription what do you need us for?
Guy 3: I mean I have a problem with the name!
Guy 2: Ooooohh! That kind of problem! Makes so much sense now!
Guy 3: Yeah! My problem is that it’s the coo-coo-clan and not the coo-coo-secret-society.
Everyone stares at Guy 3.
Guy 4: That’s because the coo-coo-secret-society is a retarded name!
Guy 5: I agree.
Guy 4: I didn’t say you’re allowed to talk.
Guy 3: Well maybe we should change it to something else…
Guy 4: So you’re saying a top-secret society that hasn’t changed in the past hundred years should change its name just so you don’t have a problem with it?
Guy 3: Yes…
Guy 4: All opposed to beating this guy?
He turns to everyone and they just sit there doing nothing.
Guy 4: OK.
Guy 3: You can’t do that!
Guy 4: I was kidding we’re not going to hurt you…
Guy 1: You were kidding!? I didn’t know this!
Guy 2: Hey! That’s unfair! I honestly thought he was going to be beaten!
Cameraman: This is an outrage!
Guy 4: Everyone calm down!
Guy 2: As members of this…
Guy 2 leans forward and looks side to side.
Guy 2: Secret Society… I think we should be allowed to democratically make it so this guy can get beaten up whenever we feel like it.
Guy 4: Well you’re not members yet.
Girl 1 gasps.
Guy 4: Oh wow you’re still here. You haven’t moved much in the past half an hour have you?
Girl 1 shakes her head.
Guy 4: Yeah I know how you feel always being ignored.
Guy 1: Ahem.
Guy 4: No body acknowledges your existence.
Guy 1: Excuse me you were saying?
Guy 4: I mean it must be really infuriating having people ignore you like that.
Girl 1 shakes her head agreeably with what Guy 4 is saying.
Guy 1: We’re not members of the society but…
(Pause)
Guy 4: I just hate it when I’m ignored…
Guy 1: Gah!
To be continued...
Monday, November 16, 2009
CBM 3: The Boston Tea Party
Authors Note: How good is your Australian history/politics? John Howard a short bald man with large eyebrows and Australia's federation was 1901. We were a country! Yay!
Guy 1 is standing outside the local shops with a sandwich board saying, “The End of The World is Nigh!” on it. A person walks past him.
Guy 1: Yeah you better keep walking because the world is ending.
A person walks up to him.
Person: Hey man.
Guy 1: Hey.
Person: Still trying to tell people the world is ending?
Guy 1: Yeah it’s really hard no on believes a word I say.
Person: Maybe because you’ve been standing in the same spot every Saturday saying the same thing. You’d think it would’ve ended by now.
Guy 1: Yeah… but hey one day I’ll be right.
Person: Good luck with that! See you next week.
Guy 1: And you… oh by the way what’s the time?
Person: Oh it’s uh…
The person looks at their watch.
Person: Nearly noon.
Guy 1: Oh no I’m late. Thanks!
Guy 1 walks off and the person shakes their head and mutters to themselves.
Person: Strange retarded kid…
Guy 1 runs down the path and takes off his sandwich board. He reaches into his pocket and gets out a piece of paper and looks at it. He crosses the road and starts walking up a street when he meets up with Guy 2.
Guy 1: Hey man, are you sure this is the right way?
Guy 2: Yeah it says on this map.
Guy 2 shows Guy 1 a map with a few trees and buildings poorly drawn on it with an arrow pointing to one of the houses.
Guy 1: Wow this is a pretty good map.
Guy 2: Yeah I know!
They walk down the street and turn and look at the house. It’s Guy 2’s house.
Guy 2: What the?
Guy 1: Yeah I know… it’s a total piece of junk…
Guy 2: No… this is my house… it’s my house!
Guy 1: Yeah… a piece of junk.
Guy 2: But I left from this house then followed the map.
Guy 2 gets out the map and looks at it then turns it over. On the back it says “Yes I know just go in anyway.”
They walk in and Guy 3 and Girl 1 are sitting down on the couch. Guy 3 gets up and shows them to the couch.
Guy 1: Yes I can get to the couch by myself.
Guy 2: I can’t.
The Guys sit down and Guy 3 steps up next to the entrance.
Guy 3: Let me introduce… the leader!
Guy 3 points his arms in the direction of the dining room. Guy 1 and 2 stare and nothing happens.
Guy 4: Ahem.
Guy 1 and 2 look down.
Guy 4: Hello.
Guy 1: Go away shorty we’re waiting for the leader.
Guy 4 stands there patiently.
Guy 3: Uh I think you’ll find that-
Guy 1: Bah bah bah! I’m waiting for the leader…
Guy 4: Ahem.
Guy 1 leans closer to Guy 4.
Guy 1: Yes Mr. Midget? Are you lost?
Guy 4 grabs Guy 1 by the collar.
Guy 4: Listen retard I am the leader!
Guy 1 looks scared for a second as he looks at Guy 4’s angry face but then bursts out laughing and falls over and hits the floor.
(Pause)
Guy 1 continues laughing. Guy 4 starts kicking him.
Guy 4: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Guy 1: Bahahahaha! But it’s- Ow! - So - ow! – Funny! Ow!
A small Asian steps in and starts poking Guy 1.
Guy 1: What’s going on? Why is he poking me?
Guy 4: He’s my bodyguard. He doesn’t hurt people who insult or disobey me he just annoys the hell out of them until they give in.
Guy 1: OK fine! Please just make him stop!
Guy 4: You! Stop!
The Asian stands up and salutes Guy 4.
Asian: Yes master.
Guy 1 scrambles to his feet.
Guy 1: So why again are we here?
Guy 4: We are here so you can join the most secretive and powerful organizations in the history of the federation of Australia.
Guy 1: Oh “The World” was already taken by the Freemasons was it?
Guy 4: Silence! Only I may talk while I am talking! And no, it was the cult of Walmart.
Guy 4 snaps his fingers and Asian (Guy 5) goes over and ruffles Guy 1’s hair continuously.
Guy 1: Fine! Sorry now make this strange person stop!
Guy 4 snaps his fingers and Guy 5 stops.
Guy 4: Ok… long before the Federation of Australia lots of very important and amazing things happened such as the Declaration of Independence was signed in America, the American civil war, The Boston Tea Party and Man walked on the moon.
Guy 2: Uh I beg to differ…
Guy 4: Yes?
Guy 2: I disagree on one thing, which I think is pretty obvious to everyone in this room and probably the rest of the world… The Boston Tea Party wasn’t actually that amazing.
Guy 1: Oh yes I agree.
Cameraman: Yeah I mean seriously come on!
Guy 4: OK fine. All in favour of excluding the Boston Tea Party from the list of amazing and important things say “Ai!”
Everyone says “Ai!”
Guy 4: OK. Now none of those things actually matter because they’re all American and have nothing to do with the story so forget they ever happened.
Guy 1: So you’re saying America is run by the British, endorses slavery and never walked on the moon?
(Pause)
Guy 4: Yes. They also enjoy tea and have taxes for playing cards.
Guy 1: Oh OK just want to make sure that’s all. Please continue.
Guy 4: OK so then one day Australia broke free from mother England and many people were opposed to this idea… so we created this organization that continues to pay respect to England in all it’s glory.
Guy 1: Well I’m out.
Guy 1 gets up but Girl 1 and Guy 2 grab him and pull him back onto the couch.
Guy 1: Or… not…
Guy 4: But rejecting the way of life the government chooses for us is never enough for us.
Guy 2: It never is… it just never is…
Guy 4: So we decided to take over the government in secret.
Cameraman: Gasp! My word! Really?
Guy 4: And so we succeeded and have secretly been ruling the country in the Name of the Queen ever since…
Guy 1: Bravo! My word what a jolly good job you’ve done old fellow! Brilliant!
Guy 4: Please do not mock the British way of speaking.
Guy 1: Sorry…
Guy 2 puts his hand up and Guy 3 puts a mike near him and he takes it away and speaks into it.
Guy 2: But how does this benefit us?
Guy 4: I’m glad you asked that question. You see most people aren’t happy with a short annoying man ruling their country. If you join me you won’t have to serve under an annoying midget anymore you’ll just have to serve under me.
Guy 1: I fail to see the advantage in that.
Guy 2: Sh! Maybe if we join we can get rid of John Howard!
Guy 4: No sorry he’s made a deal with the devil to rule your country for the next twenty years. I’m sorry but even we can’t go against Satan.
Guy 1: You (BEEP)! You promised us power and now we have to serve under Satan too!?
Guy 4: I never promised you power I promised you the ability to serve under me and we don’t take orders from Satan. We asked him nicely to go away and he did… we also gave him some flowers… he thought it was a kind gesture but he said they’d burn up in hell. True story.
Girl 1 raises one of her eyebrows.
Guy 1: Of course… ask nicely… so that’s why people keep punching me in the face…
Cut to: Kitchen.
Guy 1: Hey! Give me some food or die!
Guy 1 gets punched in the face.
Cut to: Outside.
Guy 1: Hey! Pass me the ball because you suck!
The ball hits Guy 1 in the head.
Cut to: Living room.
Guy 4: Uh… huh… yeah OK just remember that for the future.
Guy 1: Oh nah I can’t… not after flashback number two… those basketballs are pretty hard.
Guy 2: It’s also fun to throw them!
To be continued...
Guy 1 is standing outside the local shops with a sandwich board saying, “The End of The World is Nigh!” on it. A person walks past him.
Guy 1: Yeah you better keep walking because the world is ending.
A person walks up to him.
Person: Hey man.
Guy 1: Hey.
Person: Still trying to tell people the world is ending?
Guy 1: Yeah it’s really hard no on believes a word I say.
Person: Maybe because you’ve been standing in the same spot every Saturday saying the same thing. You’d think it would’ve ended by now.
Guy 1: Yeah… but hey one day I’ll be right.
Person: Good luck with that! See you next week.
Guy 1: And you… oh by the way what’s the time?
Person: Oh it’s uh…
The person looks at their watch.
Person: Nearly noon.
Guy 1: Oh no I’m late. Thanks!
Guy 1 walks off and the person shakes their head and mutters to themselves.
Person: Strange retarded kid…
Guy 1 runs down the path and takes off his sandwich board. He reaches into his pocket and gets out a piece of paper and looks at it. He crosses the road and starts walking up a street when he meets up with Guy 2.
Guy 1: Hey man, are you sure this is the right way?
Guy 2: Yeah it says on this map.
Guy 2 shows Guy 1 a map with a few trees and buildings poorly drawn on it with an arrow pointing to one of the houses.
Guy 1: Wow this is a pretty good map.
Guy 2: Yeah I know!
They walk down the street and turn and look at the house. It’s Guy 2’s house.
Guy 2: What the?
Guy 1: Yeah I know… it’s a total piece of junk…
Guy 2: No… this is my house… it’s my house!
Guy 1: Yeah… a piece of junk.
Guy 2: But I left from this house then followed the map.
Guy 2 gets out the map and looks at it then turns it over. On the back it says “Yes I know just go in anyway.”
They walk in and Guy 3 and Girl 1 are sitting down on the couch. Guy 3 gets up and shows them to the couch.
Guy 1: Yes I can get to the couch by myself.
Guy 2: I can’t.
The Guys sit down and Guy 3 steps up next to the entrance.
Guy 3: Let me introduce… the leader!
Guy 3 points his arms in the direction of the dining room. Guy 1 and 2 stare and nothing happens.
Guy 4: Ahem.
Guy 1 and 2 look down.
Guy 4: Hello.
Guy 1: Go away shorty we’re waiting for the leader.
Guy 4 stands there patiently.
Guy 3: Uh I think you’ll find that-
Guy 1: Bah bah bah! I’m waiting for the leader…
Guy 4: Ahem.
Guy 1 leans closer to Guy 4.
Guy 1: Yes Mr. Midget? Are you lost?
Guy 4 grabs Guy 1 by the collar.
Guy 4: Listen retard I am the leader!
Guy 1 looks scared for a second as he looks at Guy 4’s angry face but then bursts out laughing and falls over and hits the floor.
(Pause)
Guy 1 continues laughing. Guy 4 starts kicking him.
Guy 4: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Guy 1: Bahahahaha! But it’s- Ow! - So - ow! – Funny! Ow!
A small Asian steps in and starts poking Guy 1.
Guy 1: What’s going on? Why is he poking me?
Guy 4: He’s my bodyguard. He doesn’t hurt people who insult or disobey me he just annoys the hell out of them until they give in.
Guy 1: OK fine! Please just make him stop!
Guy 4: You! Stop!
The Asian stands up and salutes Guy 4.
Asian: Yes master.
Guy 1 scrambles to his feet.
Guy 1: So why again are we here?
Guy 4: We are here so you can join the most secretive and powerful organizations in the history of the federation of Australia.
Guy 1: Oh “The World” was already taken by the Freemasons was it?
Guy 4: Silence! Only I may talk while I am talking! And no, it was the cult of Walmart.
Guy 4 snaps his fingers and Asian (Guy 5) goes over and ruffles Guy 1’s hair continuously.
Guy 1: Fine! Sorry now make this strange person stop!
Guy 4 snaps his fingers and Guy 5 stops.
Guy 4: Ok… long before the Federation of Australia lots of very important and amazing things happened such as the Declaration of Independence was signed in America, the American civil war, The Boston Tea Party and Man walked on the moon.
Guy 2: Uh I beg to differ…
Guy 4: Yes?
Guy 2: I disagree on one thing, which I think is pretty obvious to everyone in this room and probably the rest of the world… The Boston Tea Party wasn’t actually that amazing.
Guy 1: Oh yes I agree.
Cameraman: Yeah I mean seriously come on!
Guy 4: OK fine. All in favour of excluding the Boston Tea Party from the list of amazing and important things say “Ai!”
Everyone says “Ai!”
Guy 4: OK. Now none of those things actually matter because they’re all American and have nothing to do with the story so forget they ever happened.
Guy 1: So you’re saying America is run by the British, endorses slavery and never walked on the moon?
(Pause)
Guy 4: Yes. They also enjoy tea and have taxes for playing cards.
Guy 1: Oh OK just want to make sure that’s all. Please continue.
Guy 4: OK so then one day Australia broke free from mother England and many people were opposed to this idea… so we created this organization that continues to pay respect to England in all it’s glory.
Guy 1: Well I’m out.
Guy 1 gets up but Girl 1 and Guy 2 grab him and pull him back onto the couch.
Guy 1: Or… not…
Guy 4: But rejecting the way of life the government chooses for us is never enough for us.
Guy 2: It never is… it just never is…
Guy 4: So we decided to take over the government in secret.
Cameraman: Gasp! My word! Really?
Guy 4: And so we succeeded and have secretly been ruling the country in the Name of the Queen ever since…
Guy 1: Bravo! My word what a jolly good job you’ve done old fellow! Brilliant!
Guy 4: Please do not mock the British way of speaking.
Guy 1: Sorry…
Guy 2 puts his hand up and Guy 3 puts a mike near him and he takes it away and speaks into it.
Guy 2: But how does this benefit us?
Guy 4: I’m glad you asked that question. You see most people aren’t happy with a short annoying man ruling their country. If you join me you won’t have to serve under an annoying midget anymore you’ll just have to serve under me.
Guy 1: I fail to see the advantage in that.
Guy 2: Sh! Maybe if we join we can get rid of John Howard!
Guy 4: No sorry he’s made a deal with the devil to rule your country for the next twenty years. I’m sorry but even we can’t go against Satan.
Guy 1: You (BEEP)! You promised us power and now we have to serve under Satan too!?
Guy 4: I never promised you power I promised you the ability to serve under me and we don’t take orders from Satan. We asked him nicely to go away and he did… we also gave him some flowers… he thought it was a kind gesture but he said they’d burn up in hell. True story.
Girl 1 raises one of her eyebrows.
Guy 1: Of course… ask nicely… so that’s why people keep punching me in the face…
Cut to: Kitchen.
Guy 1: Hey! Give me some food or die!
Guy 1 gets punched in the face.
Cut to: Outside.
Guy 1: Hey! Pass me the ball because you suck!
The ball hits Guy 1 in the head.
Cut to: Living room.
Guy 4: Uh… huh… yeah OK just remember that for the future.
Guy 1: Oh nah I can’t… not after flashback number two… those basketballs are pretty hard.
Guy 2: It’s also fun to throw them!
To be continued...
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