Guy 1 is holding a phone.
Guy 1: Yeah how about next Saturday… oh of course how stupid of me to forget. You’re liberating some orphans in Afghanistan… it’s always about the orphans! Or the oppressed masses! Or poorly treated workers! You never have time for me!
Guy 1 hangs up.
Guy 2: Who was that?
Guy 1: My girlfriend… she’s taken our six month anniversary off to go save some innocent people in another foreign country no ones ever heard of. Afghanistan… I mean seriously did someone make that up?
Guy 2: It’s a famous country… because of the turmoil and constant bloodshed and terrorism going on there?
Guy 1: Oh don’t you start too…
Cameraman: Hey what are you people talking about?
Guy 2: Oh you’re here.
Cameraman: I’m always here… I’m everywhere… wooooo!
Guy 1: Uh huh…
Guy 2: Are you high?
(Pause)
Cameraman: Uh… no…
Guy 1: Hey where’d that girl… whatshername go?
Guy 2: I don’t know… she was here a moment ago…
Guy 1: Meh. She comes and goes all the time.
(Pause)
Guy 1 and 2 burst into a fit of childish snickering then stop.
Guy 1: OK no immature jokes. This is serious.
(Pause)
Everyone starts laughing.
Guy 1: OK let’s try to be serious for once in our lives.
(Pause)
Guy 2: Why?
Guy 1: Because… we apparently now are part of some society that rules the country.
Cameraman: Well when you put it like that…
Guy 2: Why wouldn’t we be serious instead of abuse our power and force politicians to dress up in giant banana suits and dance like monkeys?
(Pause)
Guy 1: I like that idea.
Cameraman: What is with you guys and bananas and monkeys? You’re not repressing anything are you?
Guy 1: Huh?
Cameraman: Nothing…
Guy 2: Hey wait second… I get it! That’s evil.
Guy 1: Huh? What? Get what? What’s going on? Where am I?
Guy 2: Don’t worry… we’ll tell you when you’re older… mentally…
Cameraman: So never technically.
Guy 1: Aww…
Guy 2: Oh well poor you… so… what now?
Guy 1: I don’t know. I told my mother to pick me up in a few hours because I thought this would take longer.
Guy 2: I’ve never seen your mother before.
Guy 1: And you never will.
Guy 2: Huh?
Guy 1: Nothing.
Guy 2: Right. So we’re back where we started then?
Guy 1: Where we started?
Guy 2: Yeah you know… the party where we had nothing to do?
Guy 1: How is that where we started?
Guy 2: Oh never mind. Hey do you want to watch TV?
Guy 1: It isn’t going to be that horrific adult’s only Sesame Street is it?
Guy 2: No don’t worry that show got boring after a while.
Guy 1: Oh good.
Guy 1 and 2 go into the living room and sit down on the couch. Guy 2 turns on the TV.
Guy 2: I found something better… Muppets…
Guy 1: Oh good.
Guy 2: On drugs.
Guy 1: What?
Kermit: Whadda ya’ mean you don’t have my medication? AAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!
Ms Piggy: Oh calm down Kermy. You’re breaking the furniture and you’re head!
Kermit: Never! AAAAGGGHHHH!
Fuzzy: Oh no! Stuffing is coming from his forehead!
Ms Piggy: Oh I knew this would happen…
Guy 1: Oh seriously what is with you and psychotic drug addicted felt puppets!?
Guy 2 giggles.
Guy 2: I don’t know but it’s fun to watch.
Guy 1: Turn it off!
Fuzzy: I’m sorry Kermit but this is for your own good…
The sound of a blow dart being fired can be heard from the TV and Kermit squeals.
Fuzzy: He’ll be out cold for a few hours… that’ll give us enough time to tie him up.
Ms Piggy: Oh you’re my hero!
Guy 2: Oh but they’re just about to discover that Gonzo is putting sugar in the Ice and get out the ice picks!
Guy 1: I swear if you don’t turn this off and find a show to watch that doesn’t involve a bunch of puppets with hands up their rear ends on an elicit substance of some sort now we’re going to make our own puppet show and you’re going to be the puppet.
Guy 1 holds up his hand.
Guy 1: Don’t make me get the surgical gloves.
Guy 2 looks scared at him and turns the TV off.
Guy 2: OK… I swear I’ll never force you to watch adult television revolving around hand puppets again…
Guy 1: Good.
Cameraman: Yeah… you have some serious issues to deal with.
Guy 2: I know. My psychologist says I’m making great progress. I’m a good boy!
Cameraman: Well my psychologist can beat up your psychologist!
Guy 2: Oh yeah? Bring it! My shrink versus yours! Who ever wins gets free Lithium Di-bromide!
Cameraman: Next Saturday.
Guy 2: I’ll see you there.
Guy 1: OK you two need a few chill pills.
Guy 2: Mine all expired.
Cameraman: Oh I just ate all of mine even though they said it’d be dangerous and might cause hyperactivity and brain damage… Hey lets go film some walls…
Guy 1: No…
Cameraman: Aww! You’re no fun. Hiya!
Cameraman punches Guy 1.
Guy 1: Ow! Seriously stop doing that! I thought I told you to save it for parliament house.
Cameraman: Well I never get to go and now that you’re part of the politics of this country it’s OK to hit you! My mother says it’s OK to hurt politicians!
Guy 2: And I agree with her.
Guy 2 hits Guy 1 in the shoulder.
Guy 1: Hey if I’m a politician so are you!
Guy 2: So?
Guy 1: So… stop… hurting… me?
(Pause)
Guy 2: Nah I like hurting people too much.
Guy 2 hits Guy 1 again.
To be continued...
Showing posts with label violence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label violence. Show all posts
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
CBM 10: A Curse on your Family and your Goat
Guy 1 is sitting down opposite to Girl 1. Girl 1 has a packet of skittles. She takes one out and puts it into her mouth. Guy 1 looks at her and she looks back. She slowly reaches out and eats another one.
Guy 1: Can I have one?
Girl 1 puts another one into her mouth and slowly shakes her head.
Guy 1: Please?
Girl 1 pauses and then eats another one. She shakes her head again. Guy 1 looks around as the clock ticks.
Guy 1: So… enjoying those skittles?
Girl 1 nods and eats another.
Guy 1: You know I’ve never told anyone one this… but…
There’s a knock at the door.
Guy 1: Oh he’s finally here!
Guy 1 gets up and opens the door and lets Guy 2 in.
Guy 2: Wait… what are you doing in my house?
Guy 1: Waiting for you…
Guy 2: How’d you get in?
Guy 1: Through the door…
Guy 2: That’s not what I meant.
Guy 1: Hey have you ever noticed that your hair is brown?
Guy 2: Uh… yeah… I have…
Guy 2 walks into the kitchen where Girl 1 is.
Guy 2: Oh cool! Skittles! Can I have some?
Guy 2 holds out his hands and Girl 1 pours some in. She turns to Guy 1 and pokes her tongue out at him. Guy 2 shoves them into his mouth and tries talking with his mouth full.
Guy 2: Fank-oo.
Girl 1 goes back to eating the skittles.
Guy 1: Oh that’s not fair!
Guy 2: What isn’t?
Guy 1: Oh never mind. So did the leader of the SAC tell you what this ceremony involves?
Guy 2: No. I assume it’s just a few speeches a reciting of an oath a handshake and some food afterwards. You know how boring these sorts of things are.
Guy 1: Oh yeah.
Cut to: Guy 1 on a chair listening to a speech. Guy 1 slowly dozes off and falls over.
Cut to: Guy 1 staring at the ceiling.
Guy 2: Uh… hello?
Guy 1: Yes hello.
Guy 1 waves but is still staring at the ceiling.
Guy 2: You know I really wonder why I put up with you sometimes… I really-
Guy 1’s phone starts ringing and Guy 1 takes it out.
Guy 1: Yeah. Hello… yeah that’s me… what’s that? Fifty thousand pounds by the end of the week? Yeah…
Guy 1 puts his hands gently over the mouthpiece and turns to Guy 2.
Guy 1: Don’t worry it’s just a bunch of retarded terrorists demanding a ransom. I’ve learnt to smooth talk these losers into doing what I want.
Guy 1 puts the phone back to his ear.
Guy 1: Oh… you heard what I just said? Oh… hundred thousand pounds by the end of today now is it? OK… yeah… uh huh… my mother you say… no I don’t watch barney the dinosaur… oh come on the term “heathen” is so harsh can’t you… no? OK… yep… yes, yes I’ve already had that curse put on me before I keep telling you people I don’t have any goats to die of the plague… OK yeah. Bye… yes and so is your mother!
Guy 1 hangs up.
Guy 2: What do terrorists have that you need to pay that much for?
Guy 1: Oh they’ve kidnapped my girlfriend because she was caught infiltrating their camps in the attempt to free some Iranian hostages. Don’t worry she’ll escape soon enough and murder them horribly in cold blood…
Guy 2: That’s comforting to know…
Guy 1: Yes I know… it helps me sleep at night knowing that their rotting dead corpses will litter the desert…
(Pause)
Guy 2: OK you’re creeping me out now.
Guy 1: Yeah I get that a lot.
Guy 2: I’d assume so…
There’s another knock at the door.
Guy 2: (Sarcastic) Now who could that possibly be?
Guy 1 puts his hand up.
Guy 1: Oh! Oh! (Pause) Oh! I know! I know!
Guy 2: Anyone else?
Girl 1 looks at them back to straight forward and eats another skittle.
Guy 2: Yes?
Guy 1: It’s… uh… oh I forgot…
Guy 2: OK whatever. I’m answering the door now.
There’s another knock at the door.
Guy 2: Yeah I’m coming!
Guy 2 opens the door and sees no-one.
Guy 1: Who is it?
Guy 2: It was a prank there’s no one there.
Guy 4: Ahem!
Guy 2 looks down and sees Guy 4.
Guy 2: Oh holy (BEEP)! You scared me half to death…
Guy 4: Uh… OK…
Guy 3 and 5 come through the door.
Guy 3: Ceremony time and… yeah…
Everyone looks at Guy 3.
Guy 1: Lame!
Guy 3: Shut up! At least my hair isn’t a wig!
Guy 1: My hair isn’t a wig!
Guy 3: Prove it!
Guy 1: OK I will.
Guy 1 grabs his hair and starts pulling.
Guy 1: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Guy 3: You’re not really pulling it!
Girl 1 grabs Guy 1’s hair and starts pulling it.
Guy 1: OK ow! That hurts! Agh!
Guy 4: Now look what you’ve started…
Guy 3: Yeah I know. It’s funny watching them try to pull his hair out.
Guy 4: Yeah I guess you’re right!
Guy 4 and Guy 3 watch Guy 1 and Girl 1 try to pull Guy 1’s hair out.
Guy 4: Ha!
Guy 3: Hey do you want to bet on if she pulls out a big chunk?
Guy 4: Depends. How much you got on you?
Guy 3: About ten bucks.
Guy 4: You’re on.
Guy 2: OK it’s funny but now it’s just sad. OK we believe you! You’re hair is real!
Guy 1: Oh good.
Girl 1 yanks it again.
Guy 1: Ow! What’d you do that for!?
Girl 1 shrugs and smiles.
Guy 4: Morons! Pay attention!
Guy 5: Does that mean I don’t have to pay attention to you?
Guy 4: No…
Guy 5: Are you sure?
Guy 4: Yes. OK everyone let the ceremony begin!
Guy 3: Duh duh duuuuhh!
Guy 4: Please stop doing that.
Guy 3: No… at least I have a sense of theatre.
Guy 4: OK… now first we must give you all codenames so as to protect your identity… now tell me your name starting with… you.
Guy 4 points to Guy 1. Guy 2 gasps and the camera zooms into Guy 1. Everyone leans forward in anticipation.
Guy 2: This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for…
Guy 3: Huh?
Guy 2: He has never told anyone I know his name. Even I don’t know it.
Everyone is staring at Guy 1 except Girl 1 who is reading a book. Guy 1 looks side to side with his eyes and opens his mouth. Guy 2 leans closer with a smile on his face.
Guy 1: Do I have to say it… in front of you know… everyone? Can I just whisper it in your ear?
Guy 4 sighs.
Guy 4: OK fine.
Guy 1 leans forward and whispers in Guy 4’s ear. He leans back and Guy 4 looks at him strangely.
Guy 4: Really?
Guy 1 nods.
Guy 4: But… if… then… but… really!?
Guy 1 nods.
Guy 4: I see…
Guy 2: What was it!? What is it!?
Guy 4: Oh I can’t tell you.
Guy 2: Why not?
Guy 4: Trust me if you knew you’d know why you shouldn’t know.
Guy 2 pauses and thinks.
Guy 2: Wait… huh?
Guy 4: You’re not meant to know.
Guy 4 turns to Guy 1.
Guy 4: OK now your codename will be… “Crazy Bilby”.
Guy 1: (Sighs) Fine… even though it is a really retarded name. What kind of moron would have that as an alias by their own free will?
Everyone pauses and looks at Guy 1.
Guy 2: But… I want to know his name!
Guy 4: I’m not telling you.
Guy 2: But… I’ll be your best friend…
Guy 4: Just a second… what’s that word I’m looking for? The one that starts with… NO!
Guy 2 makes whining noise and starts mumbling and looking disappointed.
Guy 4: Hey! I heard that! You take that back! My mother did not! (Gasps) I look nothing like a sailor!
(Pause)
Guy 2: Yes you do.
To be continued...
Guy 1: Can I have one?
Girl 1 puts another one into her mouth and slowly shakes her head.
Guy 1: Please?
Girl 1 pauses and then eats another one. She shakes her head again. Guy 1 looks around as the clock ticks.
Guy 1: So… enjoying those skittles?
Girl 1 nods and eats another.
Guy 1: You know I’ve never told anyone one this… but…
There’s a knock at the door.
Guy 1: Oh he’s finally here!
Guy 1 gets up and opens the door and lets Guy 2 in.
Guy 2: Wait… what are you doing in my house?
Guy 1: Waiting for you…
Guy 2: How’d you get in?
Guy 1: Through the door…
Guy 2: That’s not what I meant.
Guy 1: Hey have you ever noticed that your hair is brown?
Guy 2: Uh… yeah… I have…
Guy 2 walks into the kitchen where Girl 1 is.
Guy 2: Oh cool! Skittles! Can I have some?
Guy 2 holds out his hands and Girl 1 pours some in. She turns to Guy 1 and pokes her tongue out at him. Guy 2 shoves them into his mouth and tries talking with his mouth full.
Guy 2: Fank-oo.
Girl 1 goes back to eating the skittles.
Guy 1: Oh that’s not fair!
Guy 2: What isn’t?
Guy 1: Oh never mind. So did the leader of the SAC tell you what this ceremony involves?
Guy 2: No. I assume it’s just a few speeches a reciting of an oath a handshake and some food afterwards. You know how boring these sorts of things are.
Guy 1: Oh yeah.
Cut to: Guy 1 on a chair listening to a speech. Guy 1 slowly dozes off and falls over.
Cut to: Guy 1 staring at the ceiling.
Guy 2: Uh… hello?
Guy 1: Yes hello.
Guy 1 waves but is still staring at the ceiling.
Guy 2: You know I really wonder why I put up with you sometimes… I really-
Guy 1’s phone starts ringing and Guy 1 takes it out.
Guy 1: Yeah. Hello… yeah that’s me… what’s that? Fifty thousand pounds by the end of the week? Yeah…
Guy 1 puts his hands gently over the mouthpiece and turns to Guy 2.
Guy 1: Don’t worry it’s just a bunch of retarded terrorists demanding a ransom. I’ve learnt to smooth talk these losers into doing what I want.
Guy 1 puts the phone back to his ear.
Guy 1: Oh… you heard what I just said? Oh… hundred thousand pounds by the end of today now is it? OK… yeah… uh huh… my mother you say… no I don’t watch barney the dinosaur… oh come on the term “heathen” is so harsh can’t you… no? OK… yep… yes, yes I’ve already had that curse put on me before I keep telling you people I don’t have any goats to die of the plague… OK yeah. Bye… yes and so is your mother!
Guy 1 hangs up.
Guy 2: What do terrorists have that you need to pay that much for?
Guy 1: Oh they’ve kidnapped my girlfriend because she was caught infiltrating their camps in the attempt to free some Iranian hostages. Don’t worry she’ll escape soon enough and murder them horribly in cold blood…
Guy 2: That’s comforting to know…
Guy 1: Yes I know… it helps me sleep at night knowing that their rotting dead corpses will litter the desert…
(Pause)
Guy 2: OK you’re creeping me out now.
Guy 1: Yeah I get that a lot.
Guy 2: I’d assume so…
There’s another knock at the door.
Guy 2: (Sarcastic) Now who could that possibly be?
Guy 1 puts his hand up.
Guy 1: Oh! Oh! (Pause) Oh! I know! I know!
Guy 2: Anyone else?
Girl 1 looks at them back to straight forward and eats another skittle.
Guy 2: Yes?
Guy 1: It’s… uh… oh I forgot…
Guy 2: OK whatever. I’m answering the door now.
There’s another knock at the door.
Guy 2: Yeah I’m coming!
Guy 2 opens the door and sees no-one.
Guy 1: Who is it?
Guy 2: It was a prank there’s no one there.
Guy 4: Ahem!
Guy 2 looks down and sees Guy 4.
Guy 2: Oh holy (BEEP)! You scared me half to death…
Guy 4: Uh… OK…
Guy 3 and 5 come through the door.
Guy 3: Ceremony time and… yeah…
Everyone looks at Guy 3.
Guy 1: Lame!
Guy 3: Shut up! At least my hair isn’t a wig!
Guy 1: My hair isn’t a wig!
Guy 3: Prove it!
Guy 1: OK I will.
Guy 1 grabs his hair and starts pulling.
Guy 1: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Guy 3: You’re not really pulling it!
Girl 1 grabs Guy 1’s hair and starts pulling it.
Guy 1: OK ow! That hurts! Agh!
Guy 4: Now look what you’ve started…
Guy 3: Yeah I know. It’s funny watching them try to pull his hair out.
Guy 4: Yeah I guess you’re right!
Guy 4 and Guy 3 watch Guy 1 and Girl 1 try to pull Guy 1’s hair out.
Guy 4: Ha!
Guy 3: Hey do you want to bet on if she pulls out a big chunk?
Guy 4: Depends. How much you got on you?
Guy 3: About ten bucks.
Guy 4: You’re on.
Guy 2: OK it’s funny but now it’s just sad. OK we believe you! You’re hair is real!
Guy 1: Oh good.
Girl 1 yanks it again.
Guy 1: Ow! What’d you do that for!?
Girl 1 shrugs and smiles.
Guy 4: Morons! Pay attention!
Guy 5: Does that mean I don’t have to pay attention to you?
Guy 4: No…
Guy 5: Are you sure?
Guy 4: Yes. OK everyone let the ceremony begin!
Guy 3: Duh duh duuuuhh!
Guy 4: Please stop doing that.
Guy 3: No… at least I have a sense of theatre.
Guy 4: OK… now first we must give you all codenames so as to protect your identity… now tell me your name starting with… you.
Guy 4 points to Guy 1. Guy 2 gasps and the camera zooms into Guy 1. Everyone leans forward in anticipation.
Guy 2: This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for…
Guy 3: Huh?
Guy 2: He has never told anyone I know his name. Even I don’t know it.
Everyone is staring at Guy 1 except Girl 1 who is reading a book. Guy 1 looks side to side with his eyes and opens his mouth. Guy 2 leans closer with a smile on his face.
Guy 1: Do I have to say it… in front of you know… everyone? Can I just whisper it in your ear?
Guy 4 sighs.
Guy 4: OK fine.
Guy 1 leans forward and whispers in Guy 4’s ear. He leans back and Guy 4 looks at him strangely.
Guy 4: Really?
Guy 1 nods.
Guy 4: But… if… then… but… really!?
Guy 1 nods.
Guy 4: I see…
Guy 2: What was it!? What is it!?
Guy 4: Oh I can’t tell you.
Guy 2: Why not?
Guy 4: Trust me if you knew you’d know why you shouldn’t know.
Guy 2 pauses and thinks.
Guy 2: Wait… huh?
Guy 4: You’re not meant to know.
Guy 4 turns to Guy 1.
Guy 4: OK now your codename will be… “Crazy Bilby”.
Guy 1: (Sighs) Fine… even though it is a really retarded name. What kind of moron would have that as an alias by their own free will?
Everyone pauses and looks at Guy 1.
Guy 2: But… I want to know his name!
Guy 4: I’m not telling you.
Guy 2: But… I’ll be your best friend…
Guy 4: Just a second… what’s that word I’m looking for? The one that starts with… NO!
Guy 2 makes whining noise and starts mumbling and looking disappointed.
Guy 4: Hey! I heard that! You take that back! My mother did not! (Gasps) I look nothing like a sailor!
(Pause)
Guy 2: Yes you do.
To be continued...
Monday, May 25, 2009
The Visitor From an Alternate Reality Prt 2
Part One Here
Guy 1A sits down on the couch next to Guy 2A and presses play on the remote.
Guy 2A: Hey…
Guy 1A: Yeah?
Guy 2A: You just killed yourself.
Guy 1A: Yeah I know…
Guy 2A: Oh… Isn’t that sorta weird?
Guy 1A: No.
Guy 2A: So are we going to clean up the body of your alternate self off the floor?
Camera shows Guy 1B lying on the floor dead.
Guy 1A: Later. I’m watching The Terminator.
Guy 2A: Yeah you’re right.
One Hour Later.
Guy 1A: Oh now I get it! The Terminator is a robot! Of course it’s so simple now!
Guy 2A: How many times have you seen this movie?
Guy 1A: At least five times.
There’s a knock at the door. Guy 2A gets up and answers it. Guy 1D is on the other side. He walks in uninvited.
Guy 1D: Hey why am I lying dead on the doorstep? (Pause) And on the floor over there? (Pause) and sitting alive on the couch over there?
Guy 1A: Oh not another one!
Guy 1D: Another what?
Guy 2A: Another you. Another him… What is going on!?
Guy 1D: Oh you mean the clones have got here already?
Guy 2A: You mean they’re clones and not visitors from another reality?
Guy 1D: Nah they are from another reality I just call them clones.
Guy 1A: OK enough talk I’m going to kill you now.
Guy 1A gets out a gun and shoots Guy 1D.
Guy 2A: Why’d you do that?
Guy 1E: Do what?
Guy 2A and 1A turn and there’s another Guy 1 in the doorway.
Guy 1A: This.
Guy 1A shoots Guy 1E.
Guy 2A: Seriously where did you pull that gun from?
Guy 1A: I have unlimited hammer space.
Guy 2B: Nah you’ve just got a fat butt.
Guy 2A turns to the door and there’s another one of him.
Guy 2A: Oh no now there’s one of me!
Guy 2B: Oh no! The mirror isn’t lying when it shows an ugly me! I really am ugly!
Guy 2A: Hey!
Guy 2A grabs the gun off Guy 1A and shoots his clone.
Guy 2A: We seriously need to find a way to stop these clones from appearing.
Guy 1F: I agree.
Guy 1A turns around and there’s yet another clone of him.
Guy 1A: How’d you get in here?
Guy 1F: Through the back door of course.
Guy 1A: Oh…
There’s a long pause as they look at each other. Eventually Guy 1A gets out a gun and tries shooting Guy 1F but has no more bullets left.
Guy 1A: Agh! No bullets!
Guy 1F: Ha ha! Nice one retard! You’re like the biggest loser of all time! Ha ha ha ha- wait…
Guy 1F looks around and sees that The Guys have already left.
Guy 1F: Unbelievable… I just ditched myself!
Meanwhile at Guy 1A’s house…
Guy 1A is peering out his window.
Guy 1A: I think we’re safe here… me from an alternate reality wouldn’t be caught dead in my own house…
Guy 2A: You do realise what you’re saying right?
Guy 1A: Nope.
Guy 1A turns around.
Guy 1A: Look out I’m behind you!
Guy 2A ducks and quickly turns around. Guy 1G is just standing there doing nothing.
Guy 1G: Hi.
Guy 2A: Agh! Agh!
Guy 1G: Agh! Agh!
Guy 1A: Oh no… it’s got… a moustache!
Guy 1G: Agh! Agh! Yeah I do. Like it?
Guy 1A: Actually yeah. I’ve always wanted a moustache. Hey don’t worry we don’t need to kill this one.
Guy 2A slowly lowers the wooden plank from above Guy 1G’s head and puts it behind his back. Guy 1G looks around and Guy 2A just whistles innocently. Guy 1G turns back to Guy 1A.
Guy 1G: Well I’m glad you think that way…
Guy 2A: Hey if you’re from an alternate reality do you have the same name as him?
Guy 1G: I don’t know. I don’t even know my own name.
Guy 1A: Wow. Then what does everyone call you?
Guy 1G: Same thing they call you.
Guy 1A: Oh… yeah of course. So… why have you got a moustache?
Guy 1G whips out a gun and shoots Guy 1A in the arm and Guy 2A in the chest. He walks over to Guy 1A and points the gun at him.
Guy 1G: Mwahahahaha! Don’t you know that clones from an alternate reality with moustaches are always evil?
Guy 1A: Oh yeah… why did I forget that?
Guy 1G: Because you are the biggest idiot of all time! Mwahahahaha!
Guy 1A: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Guy 1G: Why are you laughing?
Guy 1A: You called yourself and idiot.
Guy 1G: No I… wait… oh… Grr!
Guy 1 starts laughing but is silenced by Guy 1G shooting him. Guy 2C, who also has a moustache, walks up to Guy 1G.
Guy 2C: Good work. Now we can take over the world! Mwahahahaha!
Guy 1G: Mwahahahaha!
Guy 2C: So what now?
Guy 1G: I don’t know it was your plan.
Guy 1A sits down on the couch next to Guy 2A and presses play on the remote.
Guy 2A: Hey…
Guy 1A: Yeah?
Guy 2A: You just killed yourself.
Guy 1A: Yeah I know…
Guy 2A: Oh… Isn’t that sorta weird?
Guy 1A: No.
Guy 2A: So are we going to clean up the body of your alternate self off the floor?
Camera shows Guy 1B lying on the floor dead.
Guy 1A: Later. I’m watching The Terminator.
Guy 2A: Yeah you’re right.
One Hour Later.
Guy 1A: Oh now I get it! The Terminator is a robot! Of course it’s so simple now!
Guy 2A: How many times have you seen this movie?
Guy 1A: At least five times.
There’s a knock at the door. Guy 2A gets up and answers it. Guy 1D is on the other side. He walks in uninvited.
Guy 1D: Hey why am I lying dead on the doorstep? (Pause) And on the floor over there? (Pause) and sitting alive on the couch over there?
Guy 1A: Oh not another one!
Guy 1D: Another what?
Guy 2A: Another you. Another him… What is going on!?
Guy 1D: Oh you mean the clones have got here already?
Guy 2A: You mean they’re clones and not visitors from another reality?
Guy 1D: Nah they are from another reality I just call them clones.
Guy 1A: OK enough talk I’m going to kill you now.
Guy 1A gets out a gun and shoots Guy 1D.
Guy 2A: Why’d you do that?
Guy 1E: Do what?
Guy 2A and 1A turn and there’s another Guy 1 in the doorway.
Guy 1A: This.
Guy 1A shoots Guy 1E.
Guy 2A: Seriously where did you pull that gun from?
Guy 1A: I have unlimited hammer space.
Guy 2B: Nah you’ve just got a fat butt.
Guy 2A turns to the door and there’s another one of him.
Guy 2A: Oh no now there’s one of me!
Guy 2B: Oh no! The mirror isn’t lying when it shows an ugly me! I really am ugly!
Guy 2A: Hey!
Guy 2A grabs the gun off Guy 1A and shoots his clone.
Guy 2A: We seriously need to find a way to stop these clones from appearing.
Guy 1F: I agree.
Guy 1A turns around and there’s yet another clone of him.
Guy 1A: How’d you get in here?
Guy 1F: Through the back door of course.
Guy 1A: Oh…
There’s a long pause as they look at each other. Eventually Guy 1A gets out a gun and tries shooting Guy 1F but has no more bullets left.
Guy 1A: Agh! No bullets!
Guy 1F: Ha ha! Nice one retard! You’re like the biggest loser of all time! Ha ha ha ha- wait…
Guy 1F looks around and sees that The Guys have already left.
Guy 1F: Unbelievable… I just ditched myself!
Meanwhile at Guy 1A’s house…
Guy 1A is peering out his window.
Guy 1A: I think we’re safe here… me from an alternate reality wouldn’t be caught dead in my own house…
Guy 2A: You do realise what you’re saying right?
Guy 1A: Nope.
Guy 1A turns around.
Guy 1A: Look out I’m behind you!
Guy 2A ducks and quickly turns around. Guy 1G is just standing there doing nothing.
Guy 1G: Hi.
Guy 2A: Agh! Agh!
Guy 1G: Agh! Agh!
Guy 1A: Oh no… it’s got… a moustache!
Guy 1G: Agh! Agh! Yeah I do. Like it?
Guy 1A: Actually yeah. I’ve always wanted a moustache. Hey don’t worry we don’t need to kill this one.
Guy 2A slowly lowers the wooden plank from above Guy 1G’s head and puts it behind his back. Guy 1G looks around and Guy 2A just whistles innocently. Guy 1G turns back to Guy 1A.
Guy 1G: Well I’m glad you think that way…
Guy 2A: Hey if you’re from an alternate reality do you have the same name as him?
Guy 1G: I don’t know. I don’t even know my own name.
Guy 1A: Wow. Then what does everyone call you?
Guy 1G: Same thing they call you.
Guy 1A: Oh… yeah of course. So… why have you got a moustache?
Guy 1G whips out a gun and shoots Guy 1A in the arm and Guy 2A in the chest. He walks over to Guy 1A and points the gun at him.
Guy 1G: Mwahahahaha! Don’t you know that clones from an alternate reality with moustaches are always evil?
Guy 1A: Oh yeah… why did I forget that?
Guy 1G: Because you are the biggest idiot of all time! Mwahahahaha!
Guy 1A: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Guy 1G: Why are you laughing?
Guy 1A: You called yourself and idiot.
Guy 1G: No I… wait… oh… Grr!
Guy 1 starts laughing but is silenced by Guy 1G shooting him. Guy 2C, who also has a moustache, walks up to Guy 1G.
Guy 2C: Good work. Now we can take over the world! Mwahahahaha!
Guy 1G: Mwahahahaha!
Guy 2C: So what now?
Guy 1G: I don’t know it was your plan.
To be continued...
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