Sally: Welcome to my humble abode!
Guy 1 and 2 walk into the hall which opened up into a large living area. There were a dozen beautiful paintings on the walls, a lovely miniature bonsai garden in the corner and various antique furniture around the room. The entire room was a mixture of class and culture. All of which the Guy’s completely ignored because they were staring intently at the massive widescreen plasma TV on the wall.
Sally: Uh… are you drooling?
Guy 2: (absent minded) Yeah.
Sally: Do you want a tissue?
Guy 2: Yeah.
Sally: OK.
Sally walks off.
Guy 2: Yeah.
Sally comes back a moment later and puts the tissue in front of his face.
Guy 2: Huh? Oh. Um… thanks.
He holds the tissue.
Guy 2: It’s… what I’ve always wanted.
Sally: Of course it was.
Guy 2: (confused) Thanks.
Sally: You’re welcome.
A man with dark brown hair gets up from the couch and walks up to them.
Andrew: Hey Sally! Who are these fine young boys standing there drooling on my floor?
Sally: These are some guys I found on the side of the road. Their bus broke down so I gave them a lift. Can they stay here for a while? Their accommodations kinda burnt down to the ground.
Andrew: Well as long as they know how to use a mop then I have no problem with it. How about you Gary?
Gary: (click)
Andrew: Hahahaha! You’re a riot.
Andrew walks over to the Guy’s and shakes both of their hands hard. This wakes them up from their TV induced trance.
Guy 1: Hello! How are you?
Andrew: I’m good son. I’m good. How are you?
Guy 1: I’m good too.
Andrew: That’s good.
Guy 1: Yes… yes it is.
Andrew: Your drool is on my floor.
Guy 1: Yes… yes it is.
Andrew: Hey, you’re Australian.
Guy 1: Yes! Yes it is! I mean, I am. Yes I am.
Andrew: I went to Australia once. I went to all the great cities there. Sydney, Melbourne, Canberra…
Guy 1: Perth?
Andrew: No.
Guy 1: Oh…
Andrew: There’s nothing in Perth.
Guy 1: There’s Kings Park.
Andrew: Yeah but it’s only the size of Monaco. And the view is ruined by the ugly bell tower. And I hear the cities are filled with homeless people and if you’re going to find things to do then you can only do so much. It’s just Western Australia’s capital because all the other places are just towns too small to have their own city which is pathetic and- and you live there don’t you?
Guy 1: Yes.
Andrew: I don’t retract my statement.
Guy 1: I’ve rung one of those bells in the bell tower…
Andrew: Cool. I’m going to get the mop.
Guy 1: You do that.
Andrew leaves.
Sally: I didn’t know my father had gone to Australia before…
Guy 1: That guy was your father? He looks quite young.
Sally: Yeah.
Guy 1: For my first impression I drooled on his floor.
Sally: Yeah. You’re a unique one but you’re pretty cool.
Guy 1: Why was I drooling?
Sally: I think it had something to do with our massive TV. Do you want to watch it?
Guy 1: Hell yeah! I can’t wait to do it! Let’s lie down on the couch right now! How big do you think it is?
Andrew returns just in time to hear Guy 1. He stops in mid stride with the mop in his hands.
Andrew: (Ambiguously happy) I sure hope you’re not planning on having sex with my daughter!
Guy 1 was completely uncertain what he had meant by that. So many things entered his mind he had no idea how to react. He sounded strangely happy so was he trying to be ironic? Was he secretly hiding his anger through a happy façade? Would he kill me if I did something to his daughter? Is he protective? Is this a trap? Is he just bonding with me? Is he trying to see if there’s something going on between me and his daughter? More importantly does he think I have a chance? Is this his attempt at humour? What kind of person is he?
Guy 1 merely freezes as he processes this. He then looks around the room trying not to look guilty and then just smiles to himself. He looks at Andrew smugly and defiantly.
Guy 1: May-be!
Andrew: Use protection.
Andrew starts to mop the floor. Once again Guy 1 tried desperately to interpret this. Wait; was that humour or an honest suggestion? What is Sally’s reaction? OK she’s shaking her head. Does that mean she’s embarrassed or just disapproving of the joke? Was it a joke? Oh I sure wish I could understand human behaviour better… I’m so maladjusted. I wonder if this is a good point in time to mention that I don’t know what foreplay is…
Sally: Hey you look deep in thought. What’s on your mind right now?
OK is there a look on my face that gives it away? If so, does that mean she expects that I’m thinking so she’s encouraging me to say it? But if she is then why bother? No. I don’t think she’s psychic. Maybe I shouldn’t say… But what if she understands and helps me with this problem of not knowing? Do I take that chance? I wonder if she’ll teach me… hehehe… Once again, I’m not sure what it is so I’m not sure if I should be laughing or not… it just seems appropriate. Wait, no, I’ve stood here too long I should say something.
Guy 1: Hehehe.
Sally: Hahahaha! You’re so weird! Come on; let me introduce you to my mother.
Sally links her arm with Guy 1’s.
Guy 2: Hey what about me? Have you completely forgotten me?
Sally: Yes actually! Wow! Sorry. You can come to if you want… or you could stay here with Gary. I’m sure he’d love the company.
She points to Gary who is standing near the corner of the hallway staring intently at Guy 2.
Gary: (ominous click)
Guy 2: Uhh… I think I’ll meet your mother actually.
Gary: (click) (click)
Sally: Aww, but he wants to spend time with you! Isn’t that right Gary?
Gary: (click)
Guy 2: (Worried) How do you know that!?
Sally: See? He definitely wants you to leave the both of us alone.
Guy 2: (To Guy 1) I’m scared.
Guy 1: I’m sure you’ll be fine. Nothing bad ever happens in remote country towns with small populations and minimal police forces. Don’t you ever watch movies?
Guy 2: What? Like The Village? No.
Gary: (click)
Guy 1: What he said.
Guy 2: You don’t even understand what he said.
Guy 1: Sure I do… sort of… hey Gary, say something.
Gary: (click) (click?)
Guy 1: That meant… “How are you?” right?
Sally: Nearly. It was “who are you?” but that was good.
Guy 1: See? There’s a simple trick to it. You just have to listen carefully.
Gary: (click) (click)
Sally and Guy 1: What he said.
Guy 1: Ha!
Sally: Awesome!
Sally and Guy 1: Simultaneous!
They hi-five each other.
Guy 2: I didn’t get that. It’s just clicking!
Gary: (Happy click)
Guy 2: Don’t you start! I have no idea what you said but I’m sure you’re mocking me!
Gary: (click?)
Guy 2: How do you click a question mark!?
Guy 1: He’s a very talented clicker.
Sally: He’s been doing it since a kid. He’s won all the local clicking contests.
Guy 2: This town is so boring it has to have clicking contests?
Sally: Haha no. I just wanted to try and fool you into thinking that we do. Come on; go with Gary to find clothes that will fit you.
She tugs on Guy 1’s arm and directs him out of the room.
Sally: My mother’s name is Cleo. She’s really cool…
Sally’s voice fades away. Guy 2 turns to look at Gary who has walked up to him and is now smiling eerily.
Andrew: Well I’m going to work now. Bye. Play nice kids.
Guy 2: You’re leaving?
Andrew: Yes. To go to work. Bye.
Andrew leaves the house.
Guy 2: So…
Gary: (click)
Guy 2: Yeah I… don’t know what you just said.
Gary: (click) (click)
Guy 2: You’re still just clicking… is it a pitch thing? Am I missing the different tones?
Gary: (click)
Guy 2: OK that was pointless I didn’t understand that.
Gary: (click)
Guy 2: Please stop doing that.
Gary: (click)
Gary slowly paints towards a mysterious black door on the other side of the room. Gary looks at Guy 2 creepily with a huge smile on his face.
Guy 2: OK I’m pretty sure I know what that means…
Gary: (click!)
Guy 2: (scared) Uhh… are you sure you don’t want to stay out here… where there’s um… witnesses?
Gary: (click!)
Guy 2: OK! OK! I’m going…
Guy 2 follows Gary into the door and into Gary’s room. The door slams behind them and a click is heard just before Guy 2 gives out a short girlish scream.
Cut to: backyard.
Cecilia is hanging up clothes on the washing line to dry. She looks like an older version of Sally only with more freckles. She turns to see Guy 1 and Sally.
Sally: Hey mum!
Cecilia: Hey Sally! And hello to you too handsome young man.
Guy 1: Well that’s what they call me.
Sally: They call you “you too handsome young man”?
Guy 1: Hell yeah.
Sally and Cecilia laugh identical laughs. Cecilia suddenly stops and is serious.
Cecilia: Why are you here?
Sally: Mum. His bus broke down.
Guy 1: And I lost all of my luggage.
Sally: Then the hotel he was going to stay at burnt down.
Guy 1: And now I’m cold and lonely…
Sally: That… too. But basically he has nowhere to stay so can he stay here? Dad has no problem with it.
Cecilia: You know I love random strangers. Sure he can stay. My name’s Cecilia by the way.
Cecilia turns and leans close to Guy 1.
Cecilia: (Ambiguously happy) I sure hope you’re not planning on having sex with my daughter!
Guy 1 suddenly felt like he’d been in this situation before… Aha! I have no idea why she’s inquiring this but I won’t make the same mistake I did last time. I’m not going to be the one caught off guard this time! I’m saying something!
Guy 1: Yes I am!
Cecilia and Sally both froze as they tried to process this. Guy 1 slowly started thinking that maybe, just maybe he shouldn’t be smiling ear to ear right now. There was complete silence for a moment before the sound of Sally hitting her forehead with her palm broke the tension. Sally sighed and started counting down on her fingers from three to zero. At zero Cecilia smiled and patted Guy 1 on the shoulder.
Cecilia: Use protection.
Sally: Mum!
Cecilia: What? It’s good advice!
Guy 1: She’s right. It is.
Sally: You and Dad are perfect for each other… it’s embarrassing.
Cecilia: We’re parents. It’s our job.
Sally: Can we move on from this?
Cecilia: Sure. So “you too handsome young man”, tell me about yourself.
Guy 1: Well I’m from Australia, I was born on a Tuesday and I really like to eat sandwiches.
Cecilia: Interesting. Have you got any hobbies?
Guy 1: Is eating sandwiches a hobby?
Cecilia: It could be. So what brings you to Charleston Illinois?
Guy 1: Because Charleston Arizona didn’t appeal to me. Nah, I won a free trip here.
Cecilia: Here? Well a free trip is a trip I suppose…
Guy 1: Yes I suppose it is.
Cecilia: Well welcome to Charleston, the place where trees grow!
Guy 1: I’ve always wanted to see trees!
Sally and Cecilia both laugh.
Sally and Cecilia: You’re weird.
Cecilia gives Sally a smug look while Sally looks at Cecilia partially terrified.
Cecilia: One of us… one of us…
Sally: No mum I’m not turning out like you!
Cecilia: One of us! One of us!
Sally: No!
Sally tries to cover Cecilia’s mouth but Cecilia pushes her hands away. They both laugh.
Cecilia: Haha! OK, well get your friend something to eat Sally and then go and show him the town. Don’t forget to show him the courthouse!
Guy 1: (Quietly) Justice! Justice! Justice! It’s so gooooood and free!
Cecilia: Exactly!
Sally and Guy 1 walk back into the house.
Sally: So do you want something to drink?
Guy 1: Sure.
To Be Continued…
Showing posts with label justice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label justice. Show all posts
Friday, July 10, 2009
The Holiday Prt 6.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
The Holiday Prt 5.
Part 1 Here:
Part 2 Here:
Part 3 Here:
Part 4 Here:
Sally had the most wonderful wavy peach blonde hair that flowed down onto her lightly tanned shoulders that were clearly visible. Her light-green tank top was tight against her body showing off her exquisite curves.
Cameraman: Oh you can so tell a man wrote that…
Guy 1 and 2: Go away! You’re not in this story!
They go back to staring at her soft, feminine shoulders.
Sally: Hey are you listening to me?
Guy 1: No.
Sally laughs.
Sally: Yeah you are you answered my question! You silly goose you.
Guy 1: Yeah… silly.
Guy 1 blinks several times and shakes his head.
Guy 1: Yes! I’m a goose!
Sally laughs again.
Sally: You’re so funny! Haha you’re going to make me laugh so much we crash and die!
Guy 2: Can you make sure only he dies and we get out alive?
Sally: Haha! Oh you.
Guy 2: (To Guy 1) I’m starting to like this holiday now.
Guy 1: That’s nice. You can leave now.
Sally: So where are you guys from?
Guy 1 and 2: Australia!
Guy 2: Yeah I wrestle crocs for a living.
Guy 1: Yeah well… I wrestle him for a living!
Guy 2: What?
Sally: Wow. Well G’day mate!
Guy 2: No one says that.
Guy 1: G’day!
Sally: Throw another shrimp on the barbie.
Guy 2: We call them prawns.
Guy 1: And he wrestles them for a living!
Sally: I’d love to see that!
Guy 2: Well I’ll give you a special private show if you want me to.
Sally: No way! I need to bring the girls around.
Guy 2: OK! I like where this is going.
Sally: To see you and your shrimp.
Guy 1 cracks up laughing. Guy 2 punches him on the shoulder but he keeps laughing.
Sally: Hey I’ve been driving for hours do you mind if we pull over so I can stretch my legs?
Guy 1: No I don’t mind your legs at all.
Sally: Haha that’s not quite what I meant but thank you anyway.
Sally pulls over and gets out. Guy 1 and 2 also get out. Sally stretches and looks at the sky.
Sally: The sky is so beautiful out here… I could just stare at it for days on end.
Long pause. Guy 1 looks at Guy 2. Guy 2 shrugs then looks back at Sally. Long pause.
Guy 1: But you’re not going to… right?
Sally: No of course not! Mmmmaybe tomorrow though. Want to join me?
Guy 2: Sure!
Sally: I was asking him.
Guy 2: Oh.
Guy 1: Yeah OK.
Guy 1 looks at Guy 2 smugly. Guy 2 looks back with a look of disdain.
Sally: OK well we’d better get going again.
Guy 1 and 2 turn to get back into the car, but Sally rushes over so she’s in front of them.
Sally: But first you must fight me! Hiyah!
Sally pretends to punch both of them before kicking the air.
Sally: Haha I’m just kidding come on let’s go.
Guy 1 relaxes from his defensive stance. They all get into the car and continue their drive towards Charleston.
Sally: So what are you doing here in America?
Guy 2: This idiot decided to click on a bunch of banner ads and infected my computer with viruses after he borrowed money from a loan shark in my name and so if we don’t go on this holiday and somehow find a bunch of money then I’m going to have my legs broken. So you know… it’s all his fault.
Sally: Oh don’t be so harsh on the poor guy! He got you a lovely holiday in a beautiful country to a darling place that no one ever goes to.
Guy 2: No one ever goes to Charleston?
Sally: Bahahaha! Except us of course.
Guy 2: What’s actually in Charleston?
Sally: Trees. And houses.
Guy 2: Uh huh…
Sally: We’ve also got a courthouse! You like justice right?
Guy 1: Oh my gosh! I love justice!
Sally and Guy 1: Justice! Justice! Justice! It’s so gooooood and free! Justice! Justice! Justice! It’s there to protect me! Justice is good, never ever ever wrong, ever feel down, sing the justice song! Because we’re defending civil rights yeah! Defending civil rights. Gotta love those rights ‘cause they help our civil plights. Break it down!
Guy 1 points to Guy 2. Guy 2 just sits there.
Guy 2: Huh?
Guy 1: Awww! Don’t you know the Justice Song?
Guy 2: Um… no.
Sally: Sigh!
Guy 1: Sigh indeed.
Guy 2: Where would I get a hold of the Justice Song?
Sally: I don’t know. You either just know the song or you don’t.
Guy 1: Yeah you social reject.
Guy 2: OK list how many friends you have then…
Guy 1: Um… you… cameraman… uh… Sally! Sally’s my friend right aren’t you Sally?
Sally: I sure am! You’re my Justice Buddy!
Guy 1: Yes! I finally have a Justice Buddy! Oh yeah and Steve.
Guy 2: Steve?
Guy 1: Yeah Steve. You know… he’s got hair… on his head. Eyeballs? Nose? Is any of this ringing a bell?
Guy 2: Oh so he’s… a mammal then?
Guy 1: Yeah! He’s a mammal.
Sally: Yay for mammalia! Hey well we’re nearly at Charleston. Do you guys know where you’re staying?
Guy 2 looks at Guy 1.
Guy 1: Um… oh. Oh! Yes, Queen Anne’s on 7th Street Bed and Breakfast!
Guy 1 looked very proud of himself.
Guy 2: It sounds nice.
Sally: To 7th Street then!
Guy 1: Hoorah!
They continue to drive onwards. They arrive at Charleston and Guy 1 and 2 stare out the windows taking it all in, the trees and buildings, the teenagers walking along laughing, the strange old hunch-backed lady pointing directly at the car with a sneer on her face, all of it. Guy 1 realised his nose had been pushed up against the glass which explained why he couldn’t breathe properly. He moved slightly away from the windowpane and realised he had left a mark that looked like a demented face on the glass. He tried to rub it off but it refused to be cleaned away. The car stops.
Sally: Um…
Guy 1: What?
Guy 1 and 2 turn to look at what Sally had stopped in front of. It was the Queen Anne’s on 7th Street. It was on fire.
Guy 1: Agh!
Sally: Agh indeed!
Man on Fire: AAAGGHHHHH!!!
The man ran into the front of the car, screamed at the windscreen, ran to the side of the car and looked in before screaming again. He then went around the car and screamed at the other window. He then ran around in a circle before running off.
Guy 1: I wonder what his problem was.
Guy 2: What are we going to do now? This is so unfair on us!
The man on fire returned to scream and Guy 2 before running off again.
Guy 2: My thoughts exactly! Urgh… what are we going to do now?
Sally: Well perhaps calling the fire brigade would be a good plan.
Guy 2: Nah, someone else has probably done that already.
Cut to: Local fire station.
Man on Fire runs up to a bunch of fire-fighters who are sitting around.
Man on Fire: Agh! Agh! Agh!
Fire-fighter: That man is on fire! What is it man on fire? Where’s the fire?
The Man on Fire points.
Man on Fire: Agh! Agh! Agh!
Fire-fighter: Let’s go!
The fire-fighters all rush into their trucks and drive off towards the fire. The Man on Fire looks around and sees no one. He looks down at his still flaming arms.
Man on Fire: Agh? Agh…
Cut to: Sally’s car.
Guy 2: So what now?
Sally: Have you got like, a back up place to stay?
Guy 1: No. Not really…
Sally: Oh.
Guy 2: Great.
Sally: Well you could always stay at my place if you want.
Guy 1 and 2 paused for a moment. There was an almost audible click as the clogs in their brain suddenly came together and realised what had just been offered to them. Their smiles got larger than they ever thought they could and they suddenly started wondering about the size of things…
Guy 1 and 2: YES! YES! OK! SURE!
Guy 1: We’d love to!
Guy 2: That’d be great!
Guy 1: Thank you thank you thank you!
Guy 2: You’re so awesome!
Guy 1: Yay for Sally!
Guy 2: Yay indeed!
Guy 1: Have my babies!
Sally: Hahaha! Wait- what?
Guy 1: Um… you know… being a parent is quite hard so if you could just… take my babies away from me… forever… that’d be greatly appreciated.
Sally: You’re a father?
Guy 1: Haha no. No I’m not.
Sally: I didn’t think so.
Guy 1: Awww you got me! Awww.
Sally: Aww! Oh well! Well OK guys we’re going to my house!
Guy 1 starts celebrating in the back of the car.
Guy 1: YES! YES! YEAH! WOOOOO!!! HELL YEAH! HOUSE! HOUSE! HOUSE!
Sally: Whoa! You’re a bit of a loud fella aren’t you?
Guy 1: What? Oh… so that wasn’t inside my head then?
Sally slowly shakes her head.
Guy 1: Oh…
Guy 1 hangs his head, embarrassed.
Guy 1: (Quietly) Yes. Woo. Awesome. Yeah…
Guy 2: Still not in your head.
Guy 1: Shut up!
Ten minutes later they arrive at Sally’s house. It looked similar to the rest of the suburban homes around it. A teenager, probably 16 or 17 years of age, steps out of the house and hugs Sally.
Sally: Hey guys, meet my younger brother, Gary.
Guy 1: Hello.
Guy 2: Hey.
Gary: (click)
Guy 2: Excuse me?
Sally: Oh he’s mute. He communicates in a series of clicks.
Gary: (click) (click)
Sally: That means hello.
Guy 2: (click) (click)
Sally: No don’t do that. He’s not deaf so finds people clicking at him mockery.
Gary: (click)
Guy 2: That was “yes” right?
Sally: No. Think four letters. OK, well Gary can take your lugg- Wait.
Guy 2: What? Oh…
Sally: Did you guys actually… bring anything?
Guy 2: Oh great!
Guy 1: What? What? What’s going on? I’m quite oblivious to your cause of distress!
Guy 2: We forgot our luggage! We left it on the bus!
Guy 1: Oh… aw dammit! And I had some important stuff!
Guy 2: Such as?
Guy 1: Not telling you. It’s personal.
Cut to: Side of the road. The passengers of the bus sit opposite the burning wreckage.
Black Man: OK I’ve recovered what I can from the luggage on board…
He looked at the tag attached to the suitcase he was holding.
“Please do not steal this - xo.”
Black Man: Hey who doesn’t want me to steal their luggage?
Everyone puts their hand up slowly and slightly confused.
Man: Well it’d be best if you um… didn’t?
Black Man: No there’s a note… oh never mind.
He opens up the case and sees a bunch of Pokemon plush toys.
Black Man: Who here likes Mudkips?
Man: Oh for crying out loud. Let it die! That is an overused internet meme!
Black Man: No I meant… this doll… here.
Cut to: Sally’s house.
Guy 1: Well do you think we can go back?
Guy 2: They were probably all destroyed in the explosion.
Guy 1: Dammit!
Sally: Don’t worry guys, I’m sure Gary won’t mind lending you some clothes and you can always just buy a few new clothes from the local store here. It’ll be very touristy! Come on! I’ll help you shop!
Guy 1: Really? That’d be awesome.
Sally: Oh a guy actually enthusiastic about shopping. I like that.
Guy 1: Hehe…
Guy 2: Dude… are you blushing?
Guy 1: (Defensively) No! Stop looking at me!
Guy 1 covers his face with his hands. Sally laughs.
Sally: Come on inside I’ll show you around.
She leads them up the stairs and opens the door. Guy 2 walks in first then, Guy 1, who is still covering his face, walks into the wall right next to the door. Sally laughs.
Sally: Welcome to my humble abode!
To Be Continued…
Part 2 Here:
Part 3 Here:
Part 4 Here:
Sally had the most wonderful wavy peach blonde hair that flowed down onto her lightly tanned shoulders that were clearly visible. Her light-green tank top was tight against her body showing off her exquisite curves.
Cameraman: Oh you can so tell a man wrote that…
Guy 1 and 2: Go away! You’re not in this story!
They go back to staring at her soft, feminine shoulders.
Sally: Hey are you listening to me?
Guy 1: No.
Sally laughs.
Sally: Yeah you are you answered my question! You silly goose you.
Guy 1: Yeah… silly.
Guy 1 blinks several times and shakes his head.
Guy 1: Yes! I’m a goose!
Sally laughs again.
Sally: You’re so funny! Haha you’re going to make me laugh so much we crash and die!
Guy 2: Can you make sure only he dies and we get out alive?
Sally: Haha! Oh you.
Guy 2: (To Guy 1) I’m starting to like this holiday now.
Guy 1: That’s nice. You can leave now.
Sally: So where are you guys from?
Guy 1 and 2: Australia!
Guy 2: Yeah I wrestle crocs for a living.
Guy 1: Yeah well… I wrestle him for a living!
Guy 2: What?
Sally: Wow. Well G’day mate!
Guy 2: No one says that.
Guy 1: G’day!
Sally: Throw another shrimp on the barbie.
Guy 2: We call them prawns.
Guy 1: And he wrestles them for a living!
Sally: I’d love to see that!
Guy 2: Well I’ll give you a special private show if you want me to.
Sally: No way! I need to bring the girls around.
Guy 2: OK! I like where this is going.
Sally: To see you and your shrimp.
Guy 1 cracks up laughing. Guy 2 punches him on the shoulder but he keeps laughing.
Sally: Hey I’ve been driving for hours do you mind if we pull over so I can stretch my legs?
Guy 1: No I don’t mind your legs at all.
Sally: Haha that’s not quite what I meant but thank you anyway.
Sally pulls over and gets out. Guy 1 and 2 also get out. Sally stretches and looks at the sky.
Sally: The sky is so beautiful out here… I could just stare at it for days on end.
Long pause. Guy 1 looks at Guy 2. Guy 2 shrugs then looks back at Sally. Long pause.
Guy 1: But you’re not going to… right?
Sally: No of course not! Mmmmaybe tomorrow though. Want to join me?
Guy 2: Sure!
Sally: I was asking him.
Guy 2: Oh.
Guy 1: Yeah OK.
Guy 1 looks at Guy 2 smugly. Guy 2 looks back with a look of disdain.
Sally: OK well we’d better get going again.
Guy 1 and 2 turn to get back into the car, but Sally rushes over so she’s in front of them.
Sally: But first you must fight me! Hiyah!
Sally pretends to punch both of them before kicking the air.
Sally: Haha I’m just kidding come on let’s go.
Guy 1 relaxes from his defensive stance. They all get into the car and continue their drive towards Charleston.
Sally: So what are you doing here in America?
Guy 2: This idiot decided to click on a bunch of banner ads and infected my computer with viruses after he borrowed money from a loan shark in my name and so if we don’t go on this holiday and somehow find a bunch of money then I’m going to have my legs broken. So you know… it’s all his fault.
Sally: Oh don’t be so harsh on the poor guy! He got you a lovely holiday in a beautiful country to a darling place that no one ever goes to.
Guy 2: No one ever goes to Charleston?
Sally: Bahahaha! Except us of course.
Guy 2: What’s actually in Charleston?
Sally: Trees. And houses.
Guy 2: Uh huh…
Sally: We’ve also got a courthouse! You like justice right?
Guy 1: Oh my gosh! I love justice!
Sally and Guy 1: Justice! Justice! Justice! It’s so gooooood and free! Justice! Justice! Justice! It’s there to protect me! Justice is good, never ever ever wrong, ever feel down, sing the justice song! Because we’re defending civil rights yeah! Defending civil rights. Gotta love those rights ‘cause they help our civil plights. Break it down!
Guy 1 points to Guy 2. Guy 2 just sits there.
Guy 2: Huh?
Guy 1: Awww! Don’t you know the Justice Song?
Guy 2: Um… no.
Sally: Sigh!
Guy 1: Sigh indeed.
Guy 2: Where would I get a hold of the Justice Song?
Sally: I don’t know. You either just know the song or you don’t.
Guy 1: Yeah you social reject.
Guy 2: OK list how many friends you have then…
Guy 1: Um… you… cameraman… uh… Sally! Sally’s my friend right aren’t you Sally?
Sally: I sure am! You’re my Justice Buddy!
Guy 1: Yes! I finally have a Justice Buddy! Oh yeah and Steve.
Guy 2: Steve?
Guy 1: Yeah Steve. You know… he’s got hair… on his head. Eyeballs? Nose? Is any of this ringing a bell?
Guy 2: Oh so he’s… a mammal then?
Guy 1: Yeah! He’s a mammal.
Sally: Yay for mammalia! Hey well we’re nearly at Charleston. Do you guys know where you’re staying?
Guy 2 looks at Guy 1.
Guy 1: Um… oh. Oh! Yes, Queen Anne’s on 7th Street Bed and Breakfast!
Guy 1 looked very proud of himself.
Guy 2: It sounds nice.
Sally: To 7th Street then!
Guy 1: Hoorah!
They continue to drive onwards. They arrive at Charleston and Guy 1 and 2 stare out the windows taking it all in, the trees and buildings, the teenagers walking along laughing, the strange old hunch-backed lady pointing directly at the car with a sneer on her face, all of it. Guy 1 realised his nose had been pushed up against the glass which explained why he couldn’t breathe properly. He moved slightly away from the windowpane and realised he had left a mark that looked like a demented face on the glass. He tried to rub it off but it refused to be cleaned away. The car stops.
Sally: Um…
Guy 1: What?
Guy 1 and 2 turn to look at what Sally had stopped in front of. It was the Queen Anne’s on 7th Street. It was on fire.
Guy 1: Agh!
Sally: Agh indeed!
Man on Fire: AAAGGHHHHH!!!
The man ran into the front of the car, screamed at the windscreen, ran to the side of the car and looked in before screaming again. He then went around the car and screamed at the other window. He then ran around in a circle before running off.
Guy 1: I wonder what his problem was.
Guy 2: What are we going to do now? This is so unfair on us!
The man on fire returned to scream and Guy 2 before running off again.
Guy 2: My thoughts exactly! Urgh… what are we going to do now?
Sally: Well perhaps calling the fire brigade would be a good plan.
Guy 2: Nah, someone else has probably done that already.
Cut to: Local fire station.
Man on Fire runs up to a bunch of fire-fighters who are sitting around.
Man on Fire: Agh! Agh! Agh!
Fire-fighter: That man is on fire! What is it man on fire? Where’s the fire?
The Man on Fire points.
Man on Fire: Agh! Agh! Agh!
Fire-fighter: Let’s go!
The fire-fighters all rush into their trucks and drive off towards the fire. The Man on Fire looks around and sees no one. He looks down at his still flaming arms.
Man on Fire: Agh? Agh…
Cut to: Sally’s car.
Guy 2: So what now?
Sally: Have you got like, a back up place to stay?
Guy 1: No. Not really…
Sally: Oh.
Guy 2: Great.
Sally: Well you could always stay at my place if you want.
Guy 1 and 2 paused for a moment. There was an almost audible click as the clogs in their brain suddenly came together and realised what had just been offered to them. Their smiles got larger than they ever thought they could and they suddenly started wondering about the size of things…
Guy 1 and 2: YES! YES! OK! SURE!
Guy 1: We’d love to!
Guy 2: That’d be great!
Guy 1: Thank you thank you thank you!
Guy 2: You’re so awesome!
Guy 1: Yay for Sally!
Guy 2: Yay indeed!
Guy 1: Have my babies!
Sally: Hahaha! Wait- what?
Guy 1: Um… you know… being a parent is quite hard so if you could just… take my babies away from me… forever… that’d be greatly appreciated.
Sally: You’re a father?
Guy 1: Haha no. No I’m not.
Sally: I didn’t think so.
Guy 1: Awww you got me! Awww.
Sally: Aww! Oh well! Well OK guys we’re going to my house!
Guy 1 starts celebrating in the back of the car.
Guy 1: YES! YES! YEAH! WOOOOO!!! HELL YEAH! HOUSE! HOUSE! HOUSE!
Sally: Whoa! You’re a bit of a loud fella aren’t you?
Guy 1: What? Oh… so that wasn’t inside my head then?
Sally slowly shakes her head.
Guy 1: Oh…
Guy 1 hangs his head, embarrassed.
Guy 1: (Quietly) Yes. Woo. Awesome. Yeah…
Guy 2: Still not in your head.
Guy 1: Shut up!
Ten minutes later they arrive at Sally’s house. It looked similar to the rest of the suburban homes around it. A teenager, probably 16 or 17 years of age, steps out of the house and hugs Sally.
Sally: Hey guys, meet my younger brother, Gary.
Guy 1: Hello.
Guy 2: Hey.
Gary: (click)
Guy 2: Excuse me?
Sally: Oh he’s mute. He communicates in a series of clicks.
Gary: (click) (click)
Sally: That means hello.
Guy 2: (click) (click)
Sally: No don’t do that. He’s not deaf so finds people clicking at him mockery.
Gary: (click)
Guy 2: That was “yes” right?
Sally: No. Think four letters. OK, well Gary can take your lugg- Wait.
Guy 2: What? Oh…
Sally: Did you guys actually… bring anything?
Guy 2: Oh great!
Guy 1: What? What? What’s going on? I’m quite oblivious to your cause of distress!
Guy 2: We forgot our luggage! We left it on the bus!
Guy 1: Oh… aw dammit! And I had some important stuff!
Guy 2: Such as?
Guy 1: Not telling you. It’s personal.
Cut to: Side of the road. The passengers of the bus sit opposite the burning wreckage.
Black Man: OK I’ve recovered what I can from the luggage on board…
He looked at the tag attached to the suitcase he was holding.
“Please do not steal this - xo.”
Black Man: Hey who doesn’t want me to steal their luggage?
Everyone puts their hand up slowly and slightly confused.
Man: Well it’d be best if you um… didn’t?
Black Man: No there’s a note… oh never mind.
He opens up the case and sees a bunch of Pokemon plush toys.
Black Man: Who here likes Mudkips?
Man: Oh for crying out loud. Let it die! That is an overused internet meme!
Black Man: No I meant… this doll… here.
Cut to: Sally’s house.
Guy 1: Well do you think we can go back?
Guy 2: They were probably all destroyed in the explosion.
Guy 1: Dammit!
Sally: Don’t worry guys, I’m sure Gary won’t mind lending you some clothes and you can always just buy a few new clothes from the local store here. It’ll be very touristy! Come on! I’ll help you shop!
Guy 1: Really? That’d be awesome.
Sally: Oh a guy actually enthusiastic about shopping. I like that.
Guy 1: Hehe…
Guy 2: Dude… are you blushing?
Guy 1: (Defensively) No! Stop looking at me!
Guy 1 covers his face with his hands. Sally laughs.
Sally: Come on inside I’ll show you around.
She leads them up the stairs and opens the door. Guy 2 walks in first then, Guy 1, who is still covering his face, walks into the wall right next to the door. Sally laughs.
Sally: Welcome to my humble abode!
To Be Continued…
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