"Huh, well done. It's very Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy ish" - Some guy I met once
"haha I'm impressed" - Ganesh, remover of Obstacles

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Visitor From an Alternate Reality Prt 3

Part One
Part Two

Guy 2C is dragging Guy1A away.

Guy 2C: Alternate you needs and alternate diet.

Guy 1G: I can shoot you with my alternate weapon if you don’t stop complaining.

Guy 2C: Or alternatively you could help me.

Guy 1G: I’m a bit busy getting rid of alternate you.

Guy 1G is dragging Guy 1A away in another direction. He stops and walks away.

Guy 1G: OK so what’s your evil alternate reality plan?

Guy 2C: Well I was thinking we could find out where the vortex is before any other copies of us come through.

Guy 1G: Then finish off the other approximately twenty versions of me?

Guy 2C: Yeah. If I accidentally kill you in the process know there’s no way I could have known.

Guy 1G: But I have a moustache and none the other ones do.

Guy 2C: Oh… well then I’ll kill you accidentally.

Guy 1G: Stop saying you’re going to kill me!

Guy 2C: Accidentally of course.

Meanwhile in the street a vortex opened up. It disappeared in a flash of light and another Guy 1 and 2 stood in its place.

Guy 1H: Whoa! Dude! We just travelled into an alternate reality!

Guy 2D: Whoa! Dude!

Guy 1H: I know! Hey I wonder if this is the evil universe?

Guy 2D: Well if this was the evil universe then our alternate selves would have moustaches. IT just makes sense I mean seriously… what idiot doesn’t know that?

Guy 1H: I don’t know but anyone dumb enough not to know that deserves to die.

Guy 2D: I agree.

The Guys walk off.

Over at Guy 1’s house the two evil Guys were discussing things.

Guy 1G: Well I say we should destroy the world.

Guy 2C: Well I say we should take over the world.

Guy 1G: Oh no one cares about what you say.

Guy 2C: Well if we take over the world instead of destroying it we could rule over more than just ash. And if there are still people there are still girls.

Guy 1G: Ohhh! Now I know why no one ever destroyed the world in our universe…

Cameraman: Duh!

Guy 1G: Hey should we destroy this universes cameraman?

Guy 2C: Well do you see another cameraman anywhere?

Guy 1G looks in a direction and the camera view is coming from there. He looks in other directions and the same thing happens.

Guy 1G: Nope. I don’t see any other cameraman.

Guy 2C: Anyway… this cameraman is a lot better looking then our old one.

Cameraman: Uh… don’t you guys have alternate girlfriends?

Guy 2C: No… they’d beat us if we did…

Cameraman: Aww! How sad…

Guy 2C: Thankyou for your concern.

Cameraman: I’m being sarcastic! Haha! Lol you guys get beaten up buy alternate reality girls.

Guy 1G: Why do you think we’re evil?

Cameraman: I don’t know… because you’re gay?

Guy 2C: No! Because we’ve been abused by short blond women!
Guy 1G: Well he mainly has… a lot…

Outside where the other alternate guys are…

Guy 1H: Hey dude.

Guy 2D: Yeah?

Guy 1H: I wonder what kinds of fast food places this universe has?

Guy 2D: Yeah I wonder… yeah imagine how funny it’d be if there was lots of MacDonald’s!

Guy 1H: (Laughs) that would be a nightmare! Seriously if it ever became a successful chain of fast food outlets I’d just kill myself!

Guy 2D: (Laughs) Imagine if there were thousands of them all over the world!

Guy 1H: Now that would be impossible. MacDonald’s is terrible. No one would ever eat there.

Guy 2D: Well this is an alternate reality. Anything can happen.

Guy 1H: Yeah still don’t think MacDonald’s is successful in any universe… imagine all the fat people… it’d be like some kind of… obesity epidemic.

Guy 2D: Man I sure hope this universe isn’t like that… it’d be like… a universe full of fat idiots with no taste buds.

Guy 1H: Yeah tofu is so much better than hamburgers and chips.

Guy 2D: Oh definitely. No one disagrees with that!

Cameraman: Uh, hate to interrupt your talking but my cameraman sense is tingling.

Guy 1H: What is it cameraman? Is someone in trouble? Has someone fallen down a well?

Cameraman: Well they might but that’s not my problem. I sense there is an evil version of you plotting to take over the world… and get me into bed… you have to stop them!

Guy 1H: We can’t let them take over the world!

Cameraman: You can’t let them get near my pants!

Guy 2D: Yeah, yeah… the world is more important than you.

Cameraman kicks Guy 2D.

Guy 2D: OK! OK! We’ll save you! Just please don’t kick me! It really hurts!

Cameraman: Next time I’ll kick higher… and I don’t mean your stomach…

Guy 2D: Oh no! Not my face!

Cameraman: (Sarcastic) Yes… I am going to kick your face…

Guy 1H: OK can we go save the world now? I really couldn’t care less about where you kick him just as long as he helps me save the world.

Guy 2D: Oh that’s nice.

Guy 1H: Fine. Don’t help me take over the world. But that’ll just be five worlds I’ve saved and four that you’ve saved.

Guy 2D: I saved your mum. That counts as a world. After all she is as big as one.

Guy 1H: Cameraman…

Cameraman kicks Guy 2D in the legs.

Guy 1H: Thankyou.

Guy 3A: Hi guys.

Guy 3 waves.

Guy 1H: Bah! Where’d you come from!?

Guy 3A: Your mum. What’s it to you?

Guy 2D: We haven’t got time for this we have to save the world.

Guy 3A: Cool. Can I come?

Guy 2D: No.

Guy 3A: Aw! But I want to save the world!

Guy 2D: Have you got any experience in this field of work?

Guy 3A: Uh… no…

Guy 2D: Exactly.

The Guys except for Guy 3A walk away. They go to Guy 1’s house and open the door. They see their alternate selves.

Guy 1H: Whoa! Dude it’s me!

Guy 1G: Oh no! It’s me!

Guy 2D: Hey.

Guy 2C: Hey.

Guy 1H: You’ve got a moustache and therefore are evil!

Guy 1G: Oh that’s nearly as discriminate as a full-grown man against pink dresses.

Guy 1H: That’s… irrelevant… and just plain weird.

Guy 2C: So… you shave your face?

Guy 2D: Yeah… you?

Guy 2C: Oh no… have to maintain my evil look…

Guy 2D: Oh of course.

Guy 1H: So how are you planning to take over the world?

Guy 1G: Oh like I’d tell anyone other then myself and my partner over there…

Guy 1H: By partner you mean…?

Guy 1G: Partner in crime! What? You think you’re gay?

Guy 1H: Oh no! No way! Just wondering if you were just saying that because you were in some tennis tournament.

Guy 1G: Well actually…

Guy 2C: So yeah it’s unbelievable… he has to disagree with nearly everything I say. He’s a total moron.

Guy 2D: Yeah I know! Seriously remember that time he was searching for aliens?

Guy 2C: Aliens!? In my universe it was Big Foot!

Guy 2D: Ha! Now that is just stupid!

Guy 2C: I know… well looks like I'm going to have to over power the alternate him now. My friend will do the same to you seeing how we’re evil and all that.

Guy 2D: Oh OK. Hey wait! I’m supposed to stop you!

All four Guys get out their guns and start shooting at each other. Guy 2D gets shot and Guy 1G does as well.

Guy 1H: Oh no! You’ve been shot!

Guy 2C: Well I didn’t shoot him.

Guy 1H: Then who did?

Guy 3A: I did.

Everyone turns to the doorway and Guy 3A is standing there with a gun.

Guy 3A: I decided hey… why save the world? I’d rather destroy it!

Guy 2C: No you don’t destroy it you take it over! That way the girls survive!

Guy 3A: Nah I just too lazy to rule. Destroying everything besides my pet dog on the other hand… yeah I think I can do that.

Guy 1H: Wait… if there’s nothing left but your dog then…

Guy 3A: Silence!

Guy 3A shoots Guy 1H. Guy 1H falls to the ground and raises his hand.

Guy 1H: Then… what will you… eat?

Guy 1H dies. Guy 2C points his gun at Guy 3A.

Guy 2C: Oh yay he’s dead! Now I can take over the world and you won’t stop me!

Guy 3B: Think again!

Guy 3B shoots Guy 2C from behind and kills him.

Guy 3A: Good work alternate me!

Guy 3B: Thank you other alternative me!

Guy 3A: Now let’s destroy the world!

Guy 3B: Yeah!

To Be continued...

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