CBM 5: The Very Interesting Wall

Guy 1: Answer me or I’ll kick you in the head you little midget!

Guy 4 puts his hand on Girl 1’s shoulder.

Guy 4: If you ever feel like people are ignoring you just call me.

Girl 1 slowly grabs his hand and brushes it off her shoulder. She gives him a toothless smile and shakes her head.

Guy 4: O… K…

Guy 4 turns to Guy 1.

Guy 4: Sorry were you saying something?

Guy 1: We’re not members of the secret society yet?

Guy 4: Yes… you’re not part of the…

Guy 4 leans forward and looks side to side. Guy 1 looks around confused.

Guy 4: Secret society yet.

Guy 1: Why does everyone keep looking in random directions?

Guy 3: I can answer that… it all started…

Guy 3 turns around and faces the wall with a distance look on his face.

Guy 3: Many years ago…

Guy 1: Oh no! I’m not having another flashback! They’re boring, stupid and distracts the viewer from the total lack of plot so get back to the part about us not being members and stop looking at the wall!

Guy 3: But I’m so happy when I look at walls…

Guy 1: OK fine he can stare at the wall while we talk.

Guy 5: Oh can I stare at the wall too?

Guy 1: Uh… why are you asking me?

Guy 5 shrugs and goes over to the wall with Guy 3.

Guy 5: So… it’s a wall…

Guy 3: Yeah… pretty cool wall?

Guy 5: Are you gay?

Guy 3 looks at him confused.

Guy 3: What?

Guy 5: Ha ha I made you stop looking at the wall.

Guy 3: You are so annoying you know that?

Guy 5 nods.

Guy 4: Yes like I said you’re not part of this…

Guy 1: If you look around the room I’m going to kill you.

Guy 4: Secret… society… yet because you have not gone through… the initiation!

Guy 3 and 5 turn around and go “duh duh duuuhhhh!” before turning back to the wall. Guy 1 looks at them strangely and shakes his head and goes back to looking at Guy 4.

Guy 1: O… K… so…

Guy 2: That was odd.

Guy 1: Yes it was. Thanks for interrupting me.

Guy 2: You’re welcome.

Guy 1: Anyway… initiation… is this going to involve any paddles?

Guy 4: No…

Guy 1: You promise?

Guy 4: Yes! I promise there will be no flamboyantly homosexual spanking with paddles of any kind…

Guy 1: Oh thank goodness… I remember the last time I was initiated into something…

Guy 2 and Girl 1 edge away from Guy 1.

Guy 1: Uh… yeah like I was saying… why should we go through an initiation just for this secret society?

Guy 4: Because I have magic powers and can make it appear like there’s two of me.

Guy 4 walks up next to Guy 4. The clones look at each other up and down and smile.

Guy 4: Wow… I’m pretty good looking…

Guy 4 clicks his hands and points to his clone and vice-versa.

Guy 4: Ehhhh!

Guy 4 puts his hands up to his mouth in the shape of a phone and mouths the words “call me” as the clone walks away.

Guy 1: Interesting…

Guy 2: Wow… to the untrained eye that would’ve looked like a cheap camera trick but it was really actually amazing.

Guy 1: I agree… although that was a bit disturbing…

Guy 2: Quite.

Guy 1: Indeed.

Guy 2: Yes.

Guy 1: So…

Guy 2: Yeah…

Guy 1: Quite.

Guy 2: Indeed.

Guy 4: Shut up!

Guy 1: OK.

Guy 2: Indeed.

Guy 4: You shut up too!

Guy 2: Sorry.

Guy 1: Quite.

Guy 2: Indeed.

Guy 4: Will you stop talking in one-worded sentences before I kill you?

Guy 2: Yes.

Guy 1: Maybe.

Guy 2: Depends.

Guy 4: OK you two stop talking lets hear from her for a minute shall we?

Guy 4 points to Girl 1. Everyone stares at her and she looks around with her eyes. She looks up as if trying to think and there’s a long pause as everyone continues staring at her. She then opens her mouth and raises a finger as if about to speak.

Guy 1: Nah this is boring let’s get back to the initiation business.

Guy 2: I agree.

Guy 1: Quite.

Guy 2: Indeed.

Girl 1 looks shocked and her mouth is wide open. She hits Guy 1 and then crosses her arms and looks straight ahead.

Guy 1: Ow.

Guy 2: Yes.

Guy 1: Indeed.

Guy 4: If you keep this up you’re not getting in.

Guy 1: Sorry.

Guy 4: OK to get through the initiation you must do a series of ridiculously stupid and retarded tasks to make sure you’re absolutely set on being part of the society and to also maintain your insanity excuse.

Cameraman: Oh yeah!

Cameraman Hi-fives Guy 2 then Guy 1 then goes to Girl 1. She’s still sitting with her arms crossed. She looks at the hand and sighs. She Hi-fives cameraman unenthusiastically and goes back to crossing her arms.

Guy 4: Yes… the following tasks are as such… remember that they are truly moronic and anyone who does these without trying to get into a secret society is a moron… first you must search for aliens in plain sight.

Guy 1 looks uncomfortable.

Guy 4: You must tell everyone the world is ending… you must constantly hang up on telemarketers in ridiculously stupid ways in an attempt to make people laugh, which you will always fail at, you must also beat your teddy bear up with a plastic sword and post it on the internet.

As Guy 4 says these things a short clip of these happening is played between them.

Guy 1: O… K… if we’ve already done these things do we need to do them… again? You know because a friend of mine wants to know.

Guy 4: Your friend is a loser… and yes… you do…

Guy 1: Oh…

Guy 1 breathes out loudly.

Guy 1: Again? Hmm… o… k… I guess I could… do them again… you know… if it for… you know… a secret society… I guess…

(Long Pause)

Guy 2: Indeed.

Cameraman: Well there’s no way I’m doing those things! I wasn’t even there when they did any of those things!

Guy 4: Yes, well don’t worry girls have a different initiation process.

Guy 2: What?

Guy 4: Yes… because girls are better than you…

Cameraman: I like this already!

Guy 4: It’s also necessary for me to have all the numbers of people in the secret society…

Cameraman: Keep dreaming.

Guy 2: So how’s theirs different to ours?

Guy 4: They basically have to make a pyramid out of cards.

Guy 2: That’s it?

Guy 4: Yeah…

Guy 2: What about equal treatment to men and women?

Guy 4: Yeah we don’t believe in that… I mean seriously it’s obvious that she’s better than you in everyway except for being fat.

Cameraman: Oh burn!

Guy 2: Hey I’m comfortable with the way I look why can’t the rest of the world be?

Cameraman: Because you ate the rest of the world because you’re really fat because you ate lots of people!

Guy 2: Hey I did not- wait… well… define lots…

Cameraman: Make me.

Guy 2: Do small children count?

Cameraman: We’re changing the subject before you get even less dignity.

Guy 2: What dignity? I don’t have any the day I met this guy.

Guy 2 points to Guy 1.

Guy 1: Hey!

Cameraman: Well… you’ll have negative dignity! Oh! Take that!

Guy 3: Hey guess what? The plots developing really slowly!

Guy 2: Hey guess what? Shut up!

Guy 3: That was a bad come back.

Guy 2: You’re mum’s a bad come back.

Guy 3: I don’t even know why I looked away from the wall in the first place…

Guy 3 turns back to the wall only Guy 5 is in the way.

Guy 5: Hello.

Guy 5 waves.

Guy 3: Oh… now I remember.

Guy 5: Hello.

Guy 5 continues waving.

To be continued...