"Huh, well done. It's very Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy ish" - Some guy I met once
"haha I'm impressed" - Ganesh, remover of Obstacles

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

CBM 7: Sesame Street

Cut to: Guy 1 walking down the path next to the shops.

Guy 1: Hey.

Guy 1 waves to a passing person and they just keep walking. Guy 1’s arm drops down and he shakes his head slowly and walks away. On the other side of the car park Worker 1 is standing. He gets out his phone and calls Worker 2 who is on the other side of the shopping complex.

Worker 1: He’s walking down the street.

Worker 2: Roger that.

Worker 1: Don’t say that.

Worker 2: We don’t talk anymore…

Worker 1: That would be why.

Worker 1 hangs up and walks after Guy 1. Guy 1 walks into Guy 2’s house. Guy 2 is on the couch. Guy 1 goes over and sits down.

Guy 1: Hey. What you watching?

Guy 2: Sesame Street.

Guy 1: What?

Guy 2: The adult version.

Elmo: Yo’ Elmo’s going to pop a cap in your (BEEP) if yo’ don’t pay up big bird!

Big Bird: Oh I’m sorry Elmo I’ll get ya the money I swear! I just need more time! The teenagers at the local high school are trying out for the football team soon so I can get you the money after then.

Elmo: Not good enough.

There’s the sound of a gunshot from the TV. Guy 1 is staring at it with a look of total surprise and intrigue. When he heres the shot he jumps back.

Guy 1: Dude… my childhood has become somewhat more traumatic.

Guy 2: Yeah… it makes you think…

Guy 1 shakes his head slowly.

Guy 1: So much blood…

Ernie: Bert… why did you hurt mister rubber ducky? And what happened to him after you hit him?

Bert: Because he looked at me funny! And nothing happened to him… Now shut up and eat your roast duck…

Ernie: But it’s all yellow!

Bert: Shuddup or I pop a cap in your-

Guy 1 quickly turns off the TV.

Guy 1: That was… horrific…

Guy 2: I know… and fun to watch…

Guy 1: No… just horrific.

Guy 2: Meh… I guess you have to get used to the immense about of violence and drug usage in it before you can enjoy it like I do.

Guy 1: No you just have to use an immense amount of drugs before you can enjoy it like you do.

Guy 2: Or that…

Cameraman: Uh… yeah let’s never watch that again.

Guy 2: Why not?

Cameraman: For the stability of our already screwed-up mental and emotional state.

Guy 2: OK fine…

Guy 2 grabs the remote off Guy 1.

Guy 2: Yoink!

Guy 2 turns the TV back on.

Elmo: Wadda ya mean you’re pregnant Grouch? I thought you were a man!

Grouch: I am! Now leave me alone I have some dead bodies to get rid of… this trashcan serves a purpose you know!

Guy 1: Please make it stop!

Guy 2: OK fine.

Guy 2 turns it off.

Guy 2: Now why are you over here again?

Guy 1: I’m here to talk about the CCC.

Guy 2: Yeah about that. We should have a code name for it so we don’t have to refer to it by its name just in case someone is listening.

Guy 1: Don’t be stupid… no ones listening in on us right now…

Meanwhile, outside, there was a man dressed completely in black staring through the window.

Guy 2: OK I guess you’re right… so have you got any suggestions?

Guy 1: Well… how about SAC?

Guy 2: Songwriters Association of Canada?

Guy 1: Well it doesn’t have to stand for that but yeah…

Guy 2: OK.

Cameraman: I like that name… it even can be said without spelling it out…

Guy 2: Sack… ok lets not call it that.

Guy 1: Or we could just say it “SAC” from now on instead.

Guy 2: Yeah I guess it’s easier than thinking of a whole other three random letters from the alphabet.

Guy 1: It always is.

Guy 2: So let’s just call it the SAC from now on… so what do we do now?

Guy 1: I don’t know.

Guy 2: Hey lets order pizza only this time let’s beat up that annoying pizza guy.

Guy 1: That guy looks so retarded.

Meanwhile, outside, Worker 1 is standing next to the figure in black. They turn to face each other.

Worker 1: Hello…

Dark figure: Hello.

Worker 1: Uh… yeah why are you here?

Dark figure: Why are you?

Worker 1: Good point.

Worker 1 turns away and takes out his mobile.

Worker 1: OK I’ve found out more about our target… he’s apparently a member of…

Worker 1 looks at his palm.

Worker 1: The SAC.

Worker 2: The songwriters association of Canada?

Worker 1: Uh I’m not quite sure I missed part of the conversation. It might have something to do with the Navy though.

Worker 2: What makes you say that?

Worker 1: Don’t know I’m just throwing ideas around.

Dark figure: It might be to do with a rare type of cheese.

Worker 1 looks behind at Dark figure.

Worker 1: Excuse me don’t eavesdrop.

Dark figure: Sorry… but it’s what I do…

Worker 1: OK then…

Worker 1 turns back to the phone.

Worker 1: Anyway I have to go now. We will continue to find out more about the subject.

Worker 2: Maybe we should give it a name.

Worker 1: Hm… I see you’re point. “Subject” reminds me of school.

Worker 2: I suggest we call it-

Worker 3: O-li-o-li-oooo!

Worker 1: You! Stop messing around with the three-way button!

Worker 2: It’s not my fault they wanted to know how to use a phone.

Worker 1: This is why we don’t go anywhere together! You always bring the rest of them along with you!

Worker 2: I think we should all have a tea party.

Worker 3: Oooooh! I see what’s going on here between you two!

Worker 1: Shut up! There’s nothing between us we’re just friends!

Worker 2: Yeah! Just friends!

Worker 3: Sure! I believe you!

Worker 1: Well… you should…

Worker 2: Yes, like we were saying, we should give the… thing a name…

Worker 1: Yeah… any suggestions?

Worker 2: How about… Ultratron the megatroid?

Worker 1: How about I come up with a name instead?

Worker 2: OK if you think it’s best.

Worker 1: Trust me… I do…

Worker 2: See you at our headquarters.

Worker 1: Headquarters?

Worker 2: My house.

Worker 3: Ohhhh! You two in a tree K-I-S-S-S-S-S-S-

Worker 1: Do you even know how to spell the word “Kiss”?

Worker 3: S-S-S-S-S-S-

Worker 1: I’ll take that as a no.

Worker 1 and 2 hang up and Worker 3 is still there holding the phone.

Worker 3: S-S-S-S uh… another S… and… ing… hello? Hello? Oh they hung up on me! Again!

Worker 3 hangs up and growls at the phone.

To be continued...

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