"Huh, well done. It's very Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy ish" - Some guy I met once
"haha I'm impressed" - Ganesh, remover of Obstacles

Saturday, November 14, 2009

CBM 2: Kah-Mah-Ra-Mahn-Fu

Guy 1 starts walking away to get the permanent markers.

Cameraman: Oh no you don’t. If you draw on her face I’ll kill you with Kah-ma-ra-mahn-fu!

Guy 1: Aww!

Guy 2: Hey I’ve been researching that martial art on wikipedia… and turns out that it isn’t actually lethal; monks use it to carry water over long distances.


Cameraman: What the heck are you talking about?

Guy 2: Kah-ma-ra-mahn-fu.

Cameraman: It’s real? I was making that up to scare you- I mean… yes… I can carry water over long distances.

Guy 2: OK well if I ever need someone to carry water and my camel breaks down I’ll call you.

Cameraman: Wait… did you just call me a camel?

Guy 2: Uh… let’s just wake her up.

Guy 2 walks over to Girl 1 and leans near her. Guy 2 cups his hands over his mouth.

Guy 2: Wake up!

Girl 1 whacks him in the face and springs up at the same time. She looks around; a grunt comes from the floor and she looks at the floor where Guy 2 is lying. Girl 1 puts here hands over her mouth in shock.

Guy 2: OK you’re awake now…

Guy 3: Let us all rejoice that she is with us once again.

Guy 1: Hey cameraman! Can I draw on him instead?

Cameraman: Mmmm… maybe.

Guy 3: Let’s all join hands in song.

Cameraman: Wait no it’s a definite yes.

The Guys grab Guy 3 and hold him down.

Guy 2: Get a pen!

Guy 3: No! You draw on me and I will never tell you the secret to untold power!

Guy 1: Oh I’m not falling for that one again.

Guy 2: No wait! The stoned weirdo might be telling the truth!

Guy 1: No I’m the one that says the stupid thing you’re the one that tries to talk me out of it.

Guy 2: Well it’s a movie I can do anything I want.

Guy 1: What are you talking about?

Guy 2: Uh… so untold power you say?

Guy 3: Yes.

The Guys let Guy 3 go. Guy 3 climbs to his feet. He reaches into his pocket and takes out a piece of folded paper that he gives to Guy 2.

Guy 3: Here’s an address. Go there tomorrow at noon.

Guy 3 walks away and closes the door behind him. There’s complete silence in the room.

Guy 1: So…

Guy 2: So…

Guy 1: We still have nearly six hours to kill.

Guy 2: (BEEP)! So what now?

The Guys look at each other and then slowly turn their heads towards Girl 1. Girl 1 is sitting on the couch doing nothing. She back looks at them with a look of slight worry.

Guy 2: You thinking what I’m thinking?

Guy 1: Yeah…

Guy 2: Let’s get pizza.

Guy 1: Uh… yeah that’s what I was thinking.

Guy 2: Wait… what were you thinking?

Guy 1: (Ashamed) I was thinking we should have a volleyball tournament.

Guy 2: That is the stupidest idea ever! We need four people.

Cameraman: Hey!

Guy 2: No offence… but you’re not exactly a person. You’re more like… a camera with arms and legs.

Cameraman: Racist! Just because I was born with nothing but arms and legs!

Guy 1: Unbelievable… racism against people who only have arms, legs and cameras is even worse then racism against Lego people…

Guy 2: I didn’t mean it like that!

Cameraman: You’re so racist!

Guy 1: Yeah!

Girl 1 is rubbing her index finger with her other index finger to cast shame.

Guy 2: Fine! I apologise cameraman for implying that you’re only use is a cameraman and you’re actually a person no different then anyone else.

Cameraman: Good.

Guy 2: Now can we order pizza?

Guy 1: OK.

Less then thirty minutes later (or their money back)

There’s a knock at the door and Guy 2 opens it. Guy 3 is on the other side.

Guy 2: You’re not the pizza guy… or are you?

Guy 3: No. I just forgot to mention not to bring anyone besides you three with you tomorrow.

Guy 2: Fine yeah whatever can I have pizza now?

Guy 3: I’m not the pizza guy.

Guy 2: Oh…


Guy 3: Can I have a hug brother?

Guy 2 slams the door on Guy 3. Guy 2 starts walking away from the door but there’s another knock. He opens it and a man (Guy 1 dressed differently to save on actors) holding pizza is there.

Guy 2: Hey thanks.

Pizza Guy: Enjoy your… pizza! Hahaha!

Pizza Guy puts his pinky in the corner of his mouth.


Guy 2: O… K… I will.

Pizza Guy: Oh…

Pizza Guy holds out his hand. Guy 2 looks at it then back at him.

Guy 2: I’m not giving you a hug.

Pizza Guy: No I want a tip.

Guy 2: Oh…


Guy 2 slams the door on the Pizza Guy and brings the boxes into the living room.

Guy 1: And then she shot the fuel tank causing the car to explode and thus successfully saving a small Brazilian town from an evil gang leader.

Girl 1 nods slowly and has a look of contemplation on her face.

Guy 2: Pizza’s here.

Girl 1 perks up and quickly runs towards Guy 2 and grabs a pizza box. She smiles and turns around. She opens it and sees nothing. She slowly closes it again and turns around. She holds up the box and throughs it to the ground and storms off and sits down on the couch. She crosses her arms and pouts.

Guy 1: What’s her problem?

Guy 2 looks in one of the boxes.

Guy 2: They’re all empty! That son of a-

Guy 2 looks out the window and Pizza Guy is standing near the gate.

Pizza Guy: Haha! Sucker! The psychic pizza guy strikes again! No tip! No pizza!

Guy 2: What a total moron…

Guy 1: I agree.

Guy 2 looks at Guy 1 who snuck up next to him.

Guy 2: You’re too close.

Guy 1: Oh sorry.

Guy 1 moves away and The Guys sit back down on the couch with Girl 1 who is still angry.

Guy 2: So we’ve got about 5 hours, no pizza and nothing to do…

Guy 1: Lets-

Guy 2: If you say “Get drunk” I’ll kill you.

Guy 1: But no listen, if we just-

Guy 2: No. No. Nnnnno.

Guy 1: But-

Guy 2: No.

Guy 1: Stop talking-

Guy 2: No.

Guy 1: To me like-

Guy 2: Down. No.

Guy 1: I’m a dog!

Guy 2: Make me.


Guy 1: I don’t like you.

Guy 2: I don’t care.

To be Continued

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